12 Keep The Faith

Jon followed Richie to the bathroom, noticing himself in the mirror, a big bruise in his neck.

"Fuck man."
"It'll go away, or you can cover it up." Richie told him, getting the lotion.
"I have to perform tomorrow night, people will notice me."
"You have make-up artists there for a reason." Richie easily solved it.
"You still bit me." Jon defended himself.
"I said I was sorry." Richie defended himself too.
"When?"
"When I saw it. I kissed it and said I was sorry."
"Oh, okay then. It's fine, doesn't hurt or anything, just gonna leave a nice bruise, thanks. Got something for that too?" Jon asked.
"Not that I know of."
"Just sunburn then, gives a nice shade, though, doesn't it?" Jon asked again.
"That it does."
"Done yet? That's going to be all sticky making our earlier shower pointless." Jon complained.
"Almost and you'll be fine."
Jon watched what Richie was doing. "We don't need another shower then?"
"If we do, then there was no point in me putting this lotion on you."
"I mean tonight, like when go to bed." He was still watching Richie's hands, sort of liking what Richie was doing.
By now Richie was more massaging Jon's neck and shoulders. "Tonight we can." He agreed.
"Okay." Jon was still watching him in the mirror. "'s nice."
Richie smiled back over Jon's shoulder at him in the mirror. "Mmmhmmm." he kissed Jon's neck

Jon leaned his head back against him, allowing Richie a better reach to his neck and Richie started kissing down his shoulder and moving his hands over Jon. He didn't fight it and liked what Richie was doing and pressed back against him, trying not to moan his appreciation while Richie lightly nibbled Jon's neck and moved one hand down to stroke Jon. In surprise Jon gasped.

"Bed?"
"What's wrong with right here?" Richie kept on rubbing Jon.
"Comfier." Jon watching what they were doing in the mirror, finding it hot to watch.
"But we're already here."

Jon forgot to answer while he stared at what was happening and was getting close. Richie pressed harder against Jon while rubbing him even faster.

"So good... So close... How...?" Jon asked confused and out of breath.
Richie was grinding against Jon's ass. "How what?"
"How can this be so good?"
"It can be even better."
Jon cocked an eyebrow. "How?"
Richie gently nibbled his ear. "I could be inside you."

Jon's eyes went wide with shock and surprise. Richie stroked him faster, wishing he was but he really didn't think Jon was ready for that at the moment.

Jon forgot what Richie had said and continued his enjoyment, watching Richie who didn't take his eyes off of Jon's in the mirror. He watched Jon get that cute boy blush, closing his eyes in delight and cum while sighing Richie's name. Richie didn't think there was a hotter sight than that in the world and came too, moaning Jon's name.

They didn't break apart, Jon stayed leaning back against Richie, enjoying the aftermath of his high. Richie kissed along Jon's jaw.

"God, I love you."
"I... I love you too." Jon turned around.

Richie smiled lovingly at him, holding him close in his arms. Jon liked being there and put his around Richie too, holding him.

"Now you made me even stickier."
"I suppose I did. You said something about a shower earlier." Richie reminded him.
"We already showered and I meant shower later."
"It's later."
"Later-er."
Richie chuckled. "Alright then." He reached over and grabbed a cloth to clean themselves with.
"I like when you do that."
"Oh?" He gently cleaned Jon off.
Jon watched him. "I dunno, it's interesting."
At least it'snot disgusting anymore. "Yeah?"
"Yeah, it just is, I don't know why, just interesting."
"Anything better than what you said earlier." Richie said.
"Still sorry for that and everything else." Jon apologized again.
"It's alright." He put the cloth away and just held Jon again. "You're still here and that's what matters."
"I think so too, I like being here."
Richie was still smiling lovingly. "Good."
"Yeah it is, are we almost done orgasming?"
Richie laughed. "For now I think we can take a break from that.
"Okay, we could do something else you know, I got here and we just started with orgasms, you're all sex-obsessed."
"Or maybe I was just happy to finally have you?"
"Who says you have me?"
Richie froze and looked at him. "You're here."
"Well yeah..."
Richie hands dropped. "But I don't have you?"
"What do you mean with that then?" Jon asked confused.
"I want to call you mine."
"But I've told you... I haven't decided yet." Jon felt extremely guilty and sad.
"Yet earlier you were calling me your boyfriend." Richie want back to his room and pulled on some pants.

Jon stayed in the bathroom, feeling too sad and guilty to face Richie. At the window in his room, Richie stood thinking, feeling like he was being tugged around and wished Jon would just make up his mind. Even though it wasn't fair to just want him to decide now when there's other people to think about too.

Richie sighed and went back downstairs for a little space, he ended up sitting in the living room and playing randomly on his guitar.

Upstairs Jon finally decided to get dressed and go downstairs. He found Richie playing, lost in thought and sat down on the couch, staying quiet but feeling awkward.

After a while Richie looked up at him and started playing I'll Be There For You, Jon started humming to the tune. It encouraged Richie to keep on playing, looking at Jon humming and singing a few words, he started singing the lines after what Jon sang, making Jon sing until the end of the song.

"I'm sorry." Jon apologized.
"Me too, I shouldn't be pushing you so much."

"I shouldn't have said those things." Jon said.
"You were scared, confused and lord knows what else."
"Still, it's not fair to you."
"It's not fair to throw it all on you either."
Jon shrugged.
"It's not, and I know that. I know you said to push but I'm pushing too much all at once."
"Maybe we should do this differently." Jon thought.
"How though?" Richie asked.
"How would I know? I'd ask how you went about it to figure this stuff out but you jumped into bed with some guy you met at a bar."
"That was where I started yeah. I never really had anyone interested in more than a one night stand." Richie shrugged. "I'm sorry."
"Really? I'm staying two nights, that makes it a two night stand, how's that?"
Richie chuckled softly. "Just without the full out sex."
"That would be too much experimenting, sorry."
"I guess."

"I'm, fine with the other stuff... I think." Jon said, he had liked what they had done so far.
"Again with the thinking."
"I like to think."
"Sometimes you think to much."
"No I don't, thinking is good." Jon said.
"Think too much and you miss the time to act. Trust me, I'd know."
"You do?" Jon asked.
"Yeah I do."
"I can't help the thinking though, unlike you, it doesn't hurt me." Jon teased.
Richie chuckled and playfully smacked his arm. "It doesn't hurt to think, it hurts to think too much and miss the chance."
"Don't think you'll let me miss the chance."
"It's up to you, not me, what you ultimately decide isn't it?" Richie asked him.
"Well yeah, but I like what we've done so far?"
Richie looked up at him again. "You do?"
"Yeah kinda."
"Kinda?"
"Yes, kinda." Jon repeated.
"Better than not."
"I guess, it's not so bad."
"It's great when you take all of it." Richie told him.
Jon got confused again. "Take all of what?"
"Someone's cock."
"No thanks, I'm good." Jon said quickly.
"Maybe someday. You're here and that's what matters."
"You keep saying that, yet you got mad at me." Jon reminded him.
"It's not you I'm mad at."
"There's nobody else around here..."
"There's me."
"You're mad at yourself?" Jon asked.
"A little bit."
"Why?"
"Doesn't matter." Richie shrugged. "Can't change the past."
"What?"
"Never mind." Richie tried again.
"Tell me." Jon insisted, he wanted to know why Richie was mad at himself.
"It doesn't matter. It was a long time ago and I thought too much."
"So tell me the dangers of thinking too much."
"You miss your chance and spend your life wondering "what if?". I spent too much thinking of how to tell you, and then you got married."
"Oh right and then I sliced your leg open."
"30 years after I'd pretty much given up."
"You still tried, finally."
"Took me long enough." Richie said.
"But you did. I promise I won’t take 30 years to give you my decision, it’s just not so easy. If I decide I want to be with you, so many things will change."
"I know, I know it’s a lot to decide and it’s more than just you and me that it affects." Richie knew that.
"Like if me and Dot get divorced when I decide for you, then what?"
"Then we figure things out, I can’t move from here, or I lose custody of Ava, until she’s 21 anyway. But depending on what you and Dorothea settle on, you could move here if you wanted to..." Richie suggested.
"Exactly, depending on what we settle on, you can’t come to New York for me and the kids are in school there. Dot will want to share custody but if I move here I would lose custody and you know I hate Hollywood." Jon explained.
Richie sighed, looking down at his guitar and played random nothings. "I know. I'm sorry for putting you in this mess."
"As long as you help me out of it." Jon told him.
"I'm trying."
"I know, we'll figure out what to do."
"I hope so."
"We will, where did the positivity go to?"
"It's been all over the place." Richie said.
"That didn't sound so positive." Jon told him.
"I can't be positive all the time, have to be realistic sometimes too."
"You? Realistic? Are you okay?" Jon said with fake shock, teasing Richie.
"It has to happen sometimes."
"I guess it does, don't be so realistic then and play another song." Jon told him.

Richie absently played something, thinking of what he should actually play. Jon waited for Richie to pick a song so he could sing. Finally Richie started playing In It For Love and Jon starting singing the entire song.

"I miss you." Jon said when they finished, he missed being able to sing to a sing Richie was playing.
Richie looked up at him. "I miss you every time you're gone.
"I will not cut off your leg again so you won't have to leave."
Richie half smiled. "You didn't cut it off the first time."
"I only sliced it open this time, only slicing, which is so much less worse than anything else."

"Well you could've not cut me." Richie said.
"Very true, I could have, but where would the fun be in that?"
"I wouldn't be stuck at home."
"And I wouldn't have time to think." Jon countered.
"You'd still have time to think."
"But you would have been there every day to watch me think."
Richie shrugged. "I guess."

"I’m sorry I sliced your leg open but I’m kinda glad I got two weeks to think things over and decide that I at least want to experiment with you and well... After that’ll I’ll really have to decide."
"How far are you going to take the “experimenting” then?" He tried not to sound put out at feeling like just and experiment to him.
Jon shrugged. "Dunno, I love you and I don't wanna disappoint you."
"You're not going to disappoint me if we take this all the way."
"No but I am if we don’t take it all the way."
"Honestly, you aren’t." Richie assured him.
"Yeah I am, cause you do want to go that far."
"Of course I do, I’m only human after all, but if you don’t, but you still want to be with me, that would still be fine because I’d still have you."

"I just don’t know about it, that’s sex." Jon sounded against it.
"I know, and I’m more than happy to teach you if you’re willing."
"It’s my first time you know, with that kind of sex, I’m a virgin." Jon gave him a stupid smile, half making fun of himself.
"I know, but I’d hope that I could make it as enjoyable for you as possible. Regardless if you bottom or top."
"Lets just see what’ll happen before we decide who goes top or bottom unless you got a bunk bed."
"No bunk beds." Richie chuckled.
"Aw, I wanted the top one." Jon said disappointed.
"I’m not opposed to you topping."

"Bunk beds!" Jon reminded him laughing.
"None of those." Richie smiled.
"You used to be fun you know, bunk beds and all."
"They don't make them big enough for us though."
"Fine no bunk beds, I'll just have to sleep on top of you." Jon joked.
"I'm definitely not against that."
"Then get the sex off your mind."
"Alright alright."
"No sex for you." Jon said sternly.
Richie pretended to pout. "Fine."

Jon patted his head. "Good boy."
"Do I at least get a treat for good behavior?"
"Good behavior? Sure, 5 minutes yard time."
Richie laughed. "But we were outside for hours!"
"Want your treat or not?"
"What are we doing for those 5 minutes?"
"Dunno, walk around in a circle?" Jon suggested.
"You put not thought into this at all." Richie shook his head, not getting up.
"I was going for what they let you do in jail, walk in circles."
"I didn't know I was a prisoner." Richie told him.
"Of Love." Jon added."
"Aren't we all?"
"I guess but then I'm your prisoner."
"Not that doesn't sound bad at all." Richie winked at him.
"Sure it doesn't, so what are you going to do with your prisoner?"
"Not a clue, didn't know he was my prisoner, I'll think of something."
"Roles kinda turned didn't they?" Jon asked. "We can turn them back around if you prefer."

"Maybe, just to see what you would do." Richie agreed.
"Not much, you already stopped playing after one song anyway."
"I played two."
"And I'll play twenty-two tomorrow." Jon showed off.
"I'll wish I was."
"I'll let you watch and this time I'll let you watch me shake my ass." Jon smiled.
Richie smiled back. "I watch you anyway you know."
"Even when I told you not to?"
"Of course “forbid us something and that thing we desire.”"
"That makes you an even more bad boy." Jon said sternly.
"And what're you gonna do about it?"
"Same as I do with Jake and Romeo, send you to your room."
"But it's almost time for supper! And I'm hungry!" Richie complained.
"Better hurry up before I take away supper!" Jon threatened.
"You wouldn't do that to a cripple."
"You wanna risk that?"

Before Richie could answer, there was a buzz from the gate.

"Or I could just let your nurse in." Jon got up threateningly.
"No!" Richie took off upstairs.

11 Ease on down the road

Richie walked back to his bedroom and sat down on the bed, watching Jon.

"What?" Jon asked at Richie's staring and sat down on the bed too.

Richie carefully cupped his face and pulled him close to kiss him. Jon tried to kiss back as best as he could, he finally realized that it wasn't that bad or that different from any other kissing. Richie gently ran his hands over Jon, not breaking their kiss, but pulling away Jon's towel.

Jon was oblivious to it and kept on kissing. A little wary, Richie thought of last time he had been that close to Jon but was pretty sure he didn't have a knife this time and moved his hand to Jon's cock.

When Jon tensed, Richie broke their kiss but didn't move his hand away, he didn't want to let go of Jon just yet, he was liking it too much himself.

"If you want me to stop, tell me." He reminded Jon.
Jon shook his head. "No, it's fine." He reached over a little, wanting to kiss again.

Richie continued stroking Jon and kissed him back. Jon found some confidence and moved his own hand to Richie's hip, pulling him a little closer while they kissed, making Richie groan and stroke him faster.

Jon's reply was easy when he groaned too, realizing he was getting hard and liking it even if his best friend was doing it to him.

Gently Richie pressed against Jon, laying him down on the bed and moving to lay over him, still not breaking their kiss. Jon watched Richie above him, his eyes went wide with surprise of how different this was. Richie encouragingly smiled back and kissed him, distracting Jon from too much thought.

Jon started groaning, his orgasm was getting closer already, Richie pressed his erection against his thigh but still speeding up his hand on Jon's cock.

In the heat of his passion, Richie bit Jon's neck, hard enough to leave a mark, he groaned and pressed more against Jon, moving his hand faster and tightening his grip.

Jon gave up all his defenses and let himself go, letting him orgasm wash over him.

Richie groaned at the feeling of Jon's cum between them and started to grind harder and faster against Jon's leg, groaning Jon's name with his orgasm while Jon was enjoying his blissful moment.

After a few minutes, Richie rolled off of him and held Jon close, catching his breath. Jon seemed relaxed for a few minutes, then something changed. Richie couldn't stop smiling and held Jon close.

Jon's calmness disappeared and the started to panic with the realization of what he was doing was gay and he was cheating on his wife. The wife he loved.

Richie kissed over the mark he gave Jon, wanting to distract him again.

"Didn't mean to bite you that hard, sorry about that." Richie apologized.

In panic, Jon tried to get up but Richie was faster and held him down and close.

"Stay?"
Jon still tried to get up. "We just... fuck... we..."
"Not a fuck, no." Richie loosened his hold on Jon.

Jon sat up when he could and covered himself up again with his towel that was still on the bed. He didn't know what to do. While Richie got up and went to the bathroom to clean himself off, Jon sat there, chocked.

Only a minute later, Richie came back out of the bathroom and handed Jon a cloth to clean himself off with and find some pants to put on.

"You alright?" Richie asked with concern.
"No." Jon couldn't clean himself up or he'd have to move the towel.
"I pushed too far didn't I?" He was sure he had scared Jon off now.

Jon didn't know what he was thinking, his head was fighting a mental battle. On one side he liked what they had done but on the other side, he wasn't gay and your best friend giving you a hand job while getting his own orgasm, was definitely gay. Something gay couldn't be good, he had always been thought that gay relationships were wrong, they doomed you to hell. He didn't want to go to hell.

Richie knew it was too much, too soon and sighed, looking down and moved to the door.

"I'll just be downstairs... Find food or something." Richie said, giving himself and Jon an excuse to leave.
"No..." Jon hesitated about what he actually wanted now. "Stay?"
Richie turned around, hopeful. "Are you sure?"
"I don't know."
Richie walked back over to the bed.
"We..." Jon trailed off.
"We?" Richie tried to encourage him to go on, wondering what he was going to say.
"We just..." Jon's mood turned in an instant. "You know what we did! It's wrong!"
Richie was taken aback and stung with the hurt. "Wrong?"
"They gay stuff!" He hesitated again. "It's bad, isn't it?"
Richie stepped back toward the door. "Not to me it isn't." He tried to not let the hurt show through.
"Please don't go... I just... I..."

Jon really hated his brain and himself at that moment for being so confused. It was wrong, his parents had said so, his bible had said so, everyone had always told him it was bad. It was wrong. Evil. He was doomed to hell. He hated his mind for being so stupid, it felt good and something that felt good shouldn't be bad. He was annoyed and confused, most of all he wanted his head to shut up and just let him enjoy, he hit his head, shutting it up.

"Then tell me why it's wrong." Richie went back over to him and took his hand away from his head. "Tell me why it's so wrong for us to enjoy ourselves together.
"I don't know, it's just... people always say being gay is a terrible thing... It's disgusting, it's wrong, revolting." Jon confessed.
Richie backed off, flinching as if he had just been hit. "So I'm disgusting? Is that what you think of me?" He was beyond hurt and struggling not to cry.
"No, not at all."
"No? 'Cause that's what you just said. That I'm interested in men is wrong. Disgusting. Revolting. After what we just did, you have the nerve to call me that." He couldn't hold the tears back anymore and let them fall.
"You're not, it's just... everyone always said that but it's not." Jon moved a little closer on the bed.
"You still said what we did was wrong."
"But it was nice, really nice." He moved even closer.

Richie didn't know what he was supposed to think anymore, Jon was giving him way too many mixed signals.

"Make up your mind. Either it was or it wasn't!"
"I don't know!"
"Then figure it out." The hurt didn't ease and Richie made his way to go back to the door.

Jon got up, forgot his towel and went after him, stopping him from leaving the room.

"I’m sorry, I’m just thinking too much about it, I don’t think you’re any of those thing, you’re just you and that’s perfect, you know? Just you..." Jon said.
Richie wiped away his tears and looked at Jon. "Then stop thinking."
"I'm sorry, it's just difficult." He wanted to hug Richie but was unsure if now was the right time and held back.
"Since when did something being difficult ever stop Jon Bon Jovi."
"I didn't leave, did I?" Jon hugged him anyway.
Richie hugged him back tight and nuzzles into his neck. "No."
"I'm sorry, I won't be stupid like that again."
Richie held him tight, as if  hanging on for dear life. "Just don't go."
"I'm not going anywhere, I want to figure this out with you." Jon continued to hug him.
"You better."
"I'm sorry. I'll be a good boy." Jon promised.
Richie chuckled. "We'll see."
Jon grinned and looked up. "What?"
"Maybe I don't want you to be good all the time." He grinned too and moved his hands down to Jon's ass. "Good boys don't get spanked."
Jon's eyes widened in surprise once again.
"What?" Richie grinned mischievously.

"What’s that supposed to mean? You’re gonna spank me? You should spank me for what I just did then, that was very naughty." He teased.
"Oh, don’t think I won’t. Because you do deserve it," Richie turned serious for a moment, "but you have to be sure you really do want this."
"What? You or the spanking?" Jon asked.
"Me."
"I think so."

Richie smiled lovingly at him, bringing a hand up to cup his cheek again, gently running his thumb over Jon's cheekbone.

"What did I say about thinking?"
"No thinking." Jon nodded. "Right, got it."

"Good boy." Richie kissed him softly and Jon kissed him back, smiling.

"Now what shall we do?" Richie asked with a smile of his own.
"Something with more clothes? I'm hungry." Jon suggested.
"I'll find us some food, you go put some pants on then."

Richie went downstairs to the kitchen while Jon got his pants again and got partly dressed, leaving his shirt off, just like Richie had.

A few minutes later they met back in the kitchen.

"Bear witness to my culinary prowess." Richie smiled and gave Jon a sandwich.
"At least they’re better than mine, as long as you didn’t pour the entire jar of garlic on it."
Richie laughed. "Not all of it."
Jon took a bite of his sandwich. "That's nice."
"Of course it is. I made it."
"So sure of yourself?"
"Sometimes." Richie said confident.
"Well, it's good." Jon complimented him. "Still got that pool of yours?"
"I do."
"Never mind. Not like I got any swim shorts anyway." Jon said a little disappointed, he could like a swim right now.

"Don't want to go skinny dipping?" Richie asked.
Jon grinned. "Maybe."
"I like the way you think."
"That's a first." Jon said.
Richie chuckled. "I wouldn't say first."
"A second then."
"More than that. You do get some good ideas sometimes."
"Like Prayer? You smacked me around the head for that."
"That was my idea thank you very much." Richie told him.
"You didn't need to smack me for it."
"I did at the time."
"You say that about every time you smacked me, you're abuse." Jon teased him.
"Not that bad."
"Suuure."

"Now, about that swim?" Richie asked after they had finished their sandwiches.
"Lets go have a swim." Jon agreed.

Richie smiled and got up, heading out to the backyard with Jon following him. On his way Richie got a few towels to put by the pool. Then took his pants off and jumped into the water.

Jon was feeling a little less nervous than earlier and did the same.

They both enjoyed a relaxing swim for a few minutes.

"Really is a nice day." Richie said when they met up again.
"Yeah, don't get burned, that's not very sexy."
"I won't, but I'm working on my tan."
"It looks very nice already."
Richie smiled. "So does yours."
Jon shrugged. "Don't have much of a tan anymore, the waxing kinda helped but... ya know." He didn't even know what he was saying.
"Well you can work on it here."
"The girls'll love it tomorrow night." Jon said.
"And a good number of the men." Richie reminded him.
"I guess... Including you?"
"Definitely me."
Jon smiled. "Great, I'll work on my tan then."
"Sounds like a good idea to me."

Richie smiled and continued his swim, splashing Jon on his way by.

"Hey!  I'm already wet!"
"And now you're wetter!" Richie laughed and swam away.
"Meanie." Jon swam after him, trying to gain on him.

Richie just grinned and stayed out of Jon's reach but finally Jon got to him and pulled Richie under, then close to him. Richie smiled as he surfaced.

"You caught me, now what're you gonna do with me?"
"I didn't think of that yet."
"Don't think, just do." Richie reminded him.
"Right."

Jon kissed him.

Richie kissed him back, holding him closer in the water, when Jon pressed against him, he pulled him even harder against him.

Jon was enjoying the entire kiss but needed to breathe so pulled away. Richie let him, but still held him close, only pulling back a little bit.

"That's nice. We should keep doing that.
"Maybe get out of the water, but yes."
"Why get out? Thought we were gonna keep doing that." Jon asked confused.
"Don't want to get all pruney."
"Why? It doesn't matter."
"We'll move eventually." Richie smiled and went back to kissing Jon.

Jon kissed back, starting to really like their kissing now, when easing his way into the idea of doing this with Richie, it wasn't so bad. He wasn't as excited about it as Richie was, he could feel Richie harden against him, still holding him very close and deepening the kiss, he started moving his hands all over Jon, wanting more but Jon only wanted to kiss.

When Richie groaned into the kiss, Jon pulled back.

"Sorry." Richie apologized, backing a little.
"Still want to get out?"
"Might be a little better."

Jon let go of Richie quite quickly and got out of the pool just as fast, but Richie didn't move, his erection need to go away first. Jon got a towel for himself, wrapping it around him and held one out of Richie.

"Thanks." Richie said as he got out.
"Work on tans?" Jon suggested.
Richie was already moving to sit on one of his chairs. "That's a good plan.

Jon sat on another chair and lied back, relaxing, just as Richie was.

"What do you want to do later? What have you been doing every?" Jon asked.
"This pretty much, lazing around."
"Productive days." Jon teased.

Richie chuckled. "Very."
"Not my kind of thing..." Jon reminded him about that fact.
"You’re in the middle of a tour, it’s your day off, for once you can actually try to relax. Take a nap in the sun, work on that wonderful tan of yours."
"And get burned? That doesn't work so well, can't do that."
"Bronzer dude."
"You and all that fancy stuff."
"Not all that fancy, just helps keep you from getting sunburn while letting you tan." Richie explained.
"I’ll do it the big boy way, thank you very much... Clear who’s gonna be the woman in this relationship." Jon teased again.
Richie chuckled. "Well you don’t have fashion sense at all, but don’t expect me to wear a dress."
Jon chuckled at the thought of seeing Richie in a dress. "Might flatter you."
Richie laughed loudly. "Not gonna happen."
"Not even for me?" Jon gave him his best cute puppy dog look.
"Nope, sorry." Richie pointedly didn't look at him.
"Pleeeeaaaaase?" Jon begged.
"Begging isn't going to get me in one. I'm not a cross dresser."
Jon sighed exaggerated. "Ugh fine!"
Richie chuckled. "Ask me in a year, the maybe, just maybe I will."
"In a year? Why?" Jon asked confused.
"Because I'm sentimental like that."
"You completely lost me." He said even more confused.
"You're a smart man, and you've got a year to figure it out."
"Thought you loved me."
"I do, that's why I said to ask me in a year." He smiled over at Jon.
Jon finally understood it. "Idiot."
"That's lovable idiot to you.".
"No, right now you're still just idiot." Jon said
"Always a lovable one thought." Richie lied back and closed his eyes.
"Just not right now."
"Yes, right now. I'm loving me."
"I'm not."
"Hmmmm yes you do." Richie told him.
"Nope."
"You do and you know it."
"I don't." Jon said sure of himself.
"Find, I love me for the both of us."
"Good."
"It works." Richie decided.

Jon didn't say any more and wanted to enjoy the sunshine. Lucky Richie did the same. Fairly quickly, Jon dozed off because of the warm air around him and the sun shining down on him. Richie used his time to thinking things over, something he had told Jon not to do.

After an hour Richie noticed  Jon getting burnt, so decided to wake him up.

"Hey, rise and shine sleeping beauty." Richie said and gently shook his shoulder.
"Ouch." Jon flinched and slapped his hand away.
"It's just a little burn, I told you to at least use bronzer."
"It'll go away."
"It wouldn't be there if you'd've listened to me." Richie told him.
"Well, be my nurse then, a nicer one than yours."
"Now that won't be hard at all." Richie smiled. "Come on, I've got lotion for that."
"I was kissing..."
"I'd offer it to you anyway."
"I'm fine."  Jon said even though he wasn't. "We should get out of the sun."
"If you don't want me to put it on, then put it on yourself. It's somewhere in the bathroom."
"Okay."

Richie went back inside to find some more food. Jon wasn't sure of what he was doing and just followed Richie.

"You know where the bathroom is, I'm finding food." Richie said confused.
"But..."
"But what?"
"I dunno." Jon shrugged. "Thought you wanted to help me."
"And you said you were kidding."
"Maybe I wasn't and I lied cause I got scared."
Richie sighed. "Alright, come on." He went upstairs tot he master bathroom to get the lotion.
Jon followed him. "Why did you sigh? Thought you wanted to...N"
"Because you’re all over the place and contradicting nearly everything you say as you’re trying to figure this out."
"Sorry."
"It's alright, I get it, I do." Richie said.
"You do?"
"I do, for the most part." Richie said as he found the lotion.

10 Slippery When Wet

As soon as the band landed in Los Angeles, Jon left the rest of the band and went to Richie's house.

He punched in the code at Richie's gate but nothing happened, so he rand the bell.

Richie looked out the window and saw Jon and let him in. "Come on in."
"Thanks." Jon said as the gates went open and he walked up to the door.
Richie waited for him at the front door. "Hey."
Jon dropped his bags and just hugged him.
Richie hugged him back, smiling. "I missed you man.
"Don't leave me again." Jon said while hugging him even tighter.
"I don't plan on it."
"Good." Jon let go. "So, how are you?"
"I'm good." He grinned. "You?"
"Good, much better now, I missed you too."
Richie was still smiling like an idiot. "I'm glad you're here."
"Me too, think we can move out of the doorway at least?
"'Course." Richie moved and shut the door.

Richie walked to the living room and Jon followed him, together they sat down on one of the couches.

"It's nice having my stitches out." Richie said, starting some conversation.
"Yeah? Does it at least feel better?"
"A lot. The whole thing's healing nicely."
"Growing back together nicely? It’s gotta leave a big scar... When did your nurse last check it?" Jon asked worried.
"She was here earlier today, but thankfully didn’t feel the need to look for herself."
"She didn’t? Isn’t that her job?"
"She saw it yesterday, I told her it’s fine and to go away, I’m fine, I’ll be careful, and kinda fought tooth and nail for her not to look."
"Oh so she likes you." Jon teased
"She’s annoying about it. It’s one thing to flirt with me, but groping me when you’re supposed to be checking my stitches? Making those suggestions when my daughter is right there? and when I’ve made it clear my affections are else where? Just no. But every time I’ve tried to get rid of her, she’s convinced her boss it’s my meds that’s got me imagining things or something."
"Seriously?" Jon asked surprised at such behavior from a nurse.
"Yeah, she did less when Ava told her off though and stayed glued to my side most of the time when the nurse was here. So that helped a lot."
"That’s a really bad nurse, you couldn’t fire her? But you don’t need her anymore now? You only really needed her the first few days." Jon said.
"I tried, but she kept insisting on showing up. And showing up anyway. Don’t be surprised if she tries to show up tomorrow, or later today again for that matter, I changed the code on the gate after she left though, so she shouldn’t be able to get in."
"We’ll just ignore her then, she’s fired, don’t need her, you’re fine now, although I think someone should check those stitches to be sure."
"Not stitches anymore, now it’s just a flesh wound." Richie clarified.
"Then someone should check the flesh wound, geez man, just show me already." Jon asked a little demanding.
"Bit demanding aren’t you?" Richie said smiling and chuckling but stood up to push off his pants.
"Just wanna check if what I caused isn't too bad."
Richie took his pants off completely. "It's not too bad now, it's healing nicely."
Jon leaned over a little to be able to get a closer look of the wound. "Yeah, not that mean red anymore but that’s gonna leave a scar eventually, sorry."
Richie shrugged. "Scars are sexy I'm told."
"No one gets to see this one though, you can't show it off."
"You're not no one. You're looking at it right now."
"No one except me." Jon clarified.
"You're all that matters."
"No showing you're FLESH WOUND to anyone but me then, no mean nurse or I'll have to kick her ass."
Richie smiled. "Sounds good to me."
"Good, can't have anyone else check out my boyfriend's dick."
Richie looked at him, surprised. "You mean it?" He asked hopeful and even happier than he already was.
"Mean what?" Jon asked confused.
"You said I'm your boyfriend."
"Oh..." He didn't remember if he had.
"Do you mean it?" Richie asked him.
"I don't know, maybe."
Richie sat down on the couch without his pants. "I'd be happy with it."
"I know you would, so maybe." Again, Jon couldn't help but stare at Richie's crotch.
Richie smiled and chuckled at what he was doing. "Eyes are up here darling." He lifted his chin and looked at him. "Would you be happy with that, being my boyfriend?"
Jon shrugged. "Maybe."

Richie smiled at the thought as Jon get comfy on the couch, pulling his legs up next to him and cuddling against Richie.

"I really missed you." Jon said.
Richie cuddles back, very aware he was only wearing a shirt now. "I missed you too."
"No leaving the tour anymore, two times’s enough, you don’t have to try that a third time." Jon told him sternly.
"Two times too many. I don’t want to leave ever again. I’d be happy to stay right here with you forever"
"We can’t exactly do that."
"Unfortunately. Would be nice though." Richie said.
"It really would be... Do you have plans for today?" Jon asked.
"Whatever you wanted to do."
"But I don’t know what I want to do, I only just got off a plane, I need a shower." Jon said, trying to hint but not trying to be too obvious either.
"Then go have a shower, you know where everything is."
"Yeah I do... Guess your nurse gave you enough sponge baths?" Jon hinted again.
Richie shuddered involuntarily. "Too many."
"Poor you, I should make that better."
"You really should." Richie finally agreed.
"'Cause if I was your boyfriend, I'd have to do that, right?" Jon asked.
"It would be greatly appreciated if you did."
"I know you don't want to push me but I told you, you have to push a little."
"I know, so in that case you really, really should make it better.
Unsure, yet again, Jon delayed it. "You should just act like with any other guy, I guess... and if it’s too much, I’ll say so."
"But you’re not just any other guy, you’re more than that." Richie got up. "But if you insist, you mentioned a shower didn’t you?"
"Yeah." His unsure feeling didn't leave him. "Master bathroom?"

They walked up to the bedroom, where Richie undressed further and Jon followed him into the bathroom where Richie turned on the water, then turned around to see Jon still fully clothed, with a hesitating look on his face. He needed the push.

"Typically, people shower without their clothes on." Richie tried.
"I know." But Jon didn't do anything and just continues to stare at Richie's nakedness.
Richie faced him. "Need a hand?"
"Uh..."

Richie stepped closer to him and took the bottom of Jon's shirt and started to lift it. When Jon didn't stop him, Richie pulled his shirt up and off. Once he saw Jon again, he noticed Jon was smiling and blushing. Richie smiled back and moved his hands to the top of Jon's jeans and undid them.

Jon watched what he was doing and blushed even more, knowing he didn't have anything else on underneath.

That made Richie smile even more and pushed Jon's jeans off. Jon couldn't stop watching him but was surprised at the same time how much his dick liked that.

When Jon was completely naked, Richie stepped back and checked him out.

"God, you're perfect." Richie sighed.
"Uh... thanks." Jon said, still feeling insecure while being naked with the guy that loved him yet he didn't know if he liked him back.
Richie chuckled and took Jon's hand, tugging him gently towards the shower. "You're welcome."

Jon followed into the shower and watched Richie shower while Richie couldn't keep his eyes from Jon either and started to wash Jon's back.

Jon let Richie do what he wanted because he didn't know if he should do it back or not, all the while, still staring at Richie.

Richie couldn't keep his hands off of the man he loved but was mindful of where he put his hands. In an attempt to give back, Jon moved his hands to Richie's hips a little uneasy. Richie smiled down at Jon and leaned down to kiss him as Jon reached up because he was a little shorter than Richie and tried his best to kiss him back.

Within the passion, Richie pulled Jon closer against him and deepened the kiss. It made Jon a little uncomfortable but he tried not to show it and not break the kiss but when Richie felt him tense, he backed of a little.

"Sorry, getting carried away."
"It's okay." Jon said.
Richie still smiled lovingly at him through the water. "A lot better than ok."
"Really? What is?"
"You."
"I'm amazing." Jon grinned.
"You you are." Richie agreed and finished showering.

Jon wasn't going to stay in the shower any longer than he had to, especially if he was alone and got out too. Richie handed him a towel after toweling off himself. Jon toweled off quickly and put the towel around his waist, he didn't really want to get dressed again and waited to see what Richie would do now.

"What did you plan on doing now that you're all nice and clean?" Richie asked him.
"I don't really know, not enough time difference to be jet lagged so no nap." Jon decided.
Richie leaned against the bathroom sink. "You mentioned other things before you came here, what've you got in mind?"
Jon held his towel closed. "I don't know, why don't you decide what we do?"
Richie smiled. "Bed sounds like a good place to start."
Jon nodded. "Okay bed it is."
Richie dropped his towel and left the bathroom. "Come on then."

Jon followed to the bed but kept his towel, still finding it was a different matter to see each other naked now,  it was a total different situation.

9 One Step Closer

A couple of days later, Jon was talking to himself when he started thinking of Richie again, and Dorothea for that matter.


But I love her
yeah, but you love Richie too, and just the same
But I loved Dot first
You just never realized how much you actually love Richie too. Yes you love Dorothea, but times change, you see other things 
But Richie’s my brother, I love him, but not like he does me. We’re just friends. 
Just friends that have no problem kissing each other, touching each other, having moments if you will, in front of tens of thousands of people at a time. Seems like more than “just friends” to everyone except for apparently you 
That was all in the moment, in the show, it was just joking around. It didn’t mean anything. 
It didn’t once, but what about now? Saying it didn’t implies that it does now. It has for awhile, you’ve just been too blind to see it 
How could I have done something that would mean anything to me if I don’t know it does? 
Subconscious. Everyone does things subconsciously when they aren’t consciously ready to face it. 
I didn’t do that though. 
Yes, you did. Everyone does it. Face it. You’re in love with Richie and have been for some time, you’re only just now starting to realize it 
Of course I love him, but not like that. I don’t. He’s my friend, that’s it. I’m not gay. 
You kissed him back. You willingly cuddled up with him. You wanted to do more, and would’ve too if it wasn’t for him being in stitches. You liked being close with him. 
But.... I love my wife. What am I supposed to do? 
I know you do, but you’ve been falling for Richie for some time, you just never saw it. Everyone else did, you just ignored it and filed it away as something else. If you give in to how you feel about Richie, Dorothea would understand. So would the kids. Richie’s always been part of the family to them, and it wouldn’t be overly hard for them to adjust. 
Jon sighed.  I really do love him don’t I?Yes we do. We always have in a way.  But even if it’s true, and I do love Richie, what am I supposed to do? I don’t want to get a divorce. What about Dot? The kids? 
We’ll figure that out when we get there. First step is admitting things to Richie. It’ll be rough if we decide to file for divorce, but Dorothea will understand. So will the kids. Dorothea knows you love Richie, even if you’re still not quite at that realization for sure yourself yet, she knows, and she’d understand. Yes, you’d both still be hurt, but time heals all wounds or so they say. 
And the kids? I love my family, I don’t want to break it apart. Especially with Jake and Romeo still being young. Steph and Jesse are older and might not be as affected, but they still will be
But don’t you want to be happy? I know we’re happy with the family as it is, but when you finally come around to accepting that you do love Richie in that way, will you still be happy? 
I.... I think so. Wouldn’t I?
We wouldn’t be as happy and we’d live in the world of constant “what if?” ‘s. You need to decide. If you’d listen to me, then we’d be more on our way to being happier 
I don’t know. I need more time. 
Then take some. It’s all here for you to organise and go over again and again until you still don’t know what you’re going to do
Thanks. I’ll do that

Jon shook his head and walked over to the window, looking out over the city.

Seriously, did I just lose an argument with myself? About myself? 
Yes you did
Shut up. 

****more days later****

Jon phoned Richie in the morning, which was pretty much afternoon, at least he had just woken up. "Hey Jon." Richie answered, sounding bored. "Hey, how's everything going?" Jon asked. "It's going alright, healing up nicely." "Yeah? Having fun with your nurse? Talker her into anything yet?" Jon urged. "She's too scary." Surprised, Jon answered. "You're not making a move on her?" Usually Richie took any chance he got to make a move on a girl. "My affections are elsewhere." Richie reminded him. "I still haven't figured out." Jon said. "I talked to Dot." "No pressure Jon." Richie reminded him of that too. "How did that go?" "She expected it." "Really?" The honest surprise was apparent in his voice. "Just like everyone, she knew too, everyone knows you love me." Jon said annoyed like he had been when he talked to his wife. "And you do now too." "I would have liked to know a little sooner, like everyone that's known for thirty years." He complained. "I don't think everyone else has known that long. Pretty sure only I have." "Still they all knew and they all seem to know what I should do and I don't." Jon sighed. "No one else can tell you what to do, we all know you're the boss. You listen to yourself after you think everything to death. I know what I want you to do, but I can't tell you what you should do." Richie said. "I'm not sure yet, everyone else has decided already." Jon continued to complain.

"I wouldn't say that exactly. But it doesn't matter what the rest of us think, it's up to you and no one else." He tried to be encouraging for his best friend even though he hoped for the right answer. "It's hard." Jon sighed again. Richie felt guilty for telling him in the first place and therefor putting him in this situation. "I'm sorry." "No, it's fine." Jon waved it off. "I think it would just be really great to come visit you and talk some more, think stuff over." "Save me from my scary nurse?" Richie asked hopeful. Jon chuckled. "Yeah maybe."

"My hero." Richie said, hoping it would make Jon laugh again. But Jon just chuckled. It still made Richie smile. "When do you plan on visiting?" "Thursday, concert Friday, do you want to come watch?" Jon asked. "Of course I do." "Great, so do I get to stay at your place or should I just check in at the hotel with everyone else?" Jon wondered. "Of course you can stay at my place." "Ask you nurse to prepare a guest room?" "I can." Richie said disappointed, he would rather share his room and his bed.

"Up to you, your house." Jon tried to hint.
"No, you're the guest, it's you that should be made comfortable." Richie insisted.
"I would even be comfortable if you kick me on the couch."
But what about my bed? "I wouldn't do that to you." Richie told him.

Jon groaned annoyed. "Would you  just say you want me in your bed?!"
Richie grinned. "I'd love to have you in my bed. I didn't say it because I didn't want to push you. I promised I wouldn't." He explained.
"Then say it now."
"I want you in my bed Jon." He said really, really, really happy.
"Good, I'll consider it." Jon teased.

"I'll think about it more later w hen I get the stitches out."
"What?" Jon asked confused.
But Richie didn't answer him.
"What??"
"You'll figure it out."
"No tell me." Jon demanded.
"Where's the fun in that?"
"Tell me or I'll just stay at the hotel." He threatened.
"Oh alright." Richie gave in. "I get my stitches out today, so I'll be able to think about you in my bed and do something about it."
"Oh well... Keep it clean 'cause we have to share that bed in a few days."
Richie chuckled. "I can't make any promises. The sheets'll get changed if I do."
Jon rolled his eyes. "Can't control yourself for a few more days?"
"Doubt it. It's been ages since I could've done anything."
"What if..." Jon hesitated. "I promise to do something about it?"
"If you promise, then I can behave myself until then."
"Guess I can't back out of that one anymore now." Jon said.
"I'm holding you to that promise."

"Okay, I'll stick to it, I promise." Jon promised.
"You'd better."
"I will, I just said I will... We're just gonna sleep in your bed right?" Jon asked unsure.
"If that's what you want, then we'll just sleep in my bed, with cuddling of course." Richie said sure of himself.
"Okay, but we can also not cuddle?"
"If that's what you'd rather, then alright." He answered, sounding opposed to the idea.
Jon completely missed it. "Yeah?" Thinking Richie agreed with what he's thinking.
"I promise I wouldn't push, so if that's what you want, then yes."
"That's great. " Jon said a little excited.
"Yeah." Richie said, just looking forward for Jon to be there, but not being a fan of the no cuddling rule.

"You're not excited?" Jon asked disappointed and confused.
"You said we're just sleeping, and can't even cuddle." Richie was disappointed and a little hurt in the heart.
"No, I meant we could do something instead of cuddling."
"But you said just sleeping." Richie said confused.
"No, I asked if we could not cuddle. I was trying to get you to say more but you didn't, so I thought you were thinking the same."
"I promised not to push you, and you’ve been so unsure, I was just going to be content to hold you and sleep if need be. But I do love the idea of... something else."
"I kinda need you to push me." Jon said honestly.
"I’ll do that when you’re here, don’t doubt that now."
Jon nodded. "Okay." He already started mentally preparing for it. "But you won't push too much right?"
"If you tell me to stop, I will."
"Okay, good." Jon agreed.
"Hopefully a lot better than that for you."
"Maybe, you know I'm still not promising anything right?" Jon asked to be sure.
"I know, but you're curious, and I'm more than happy to help you out."
"Thanks, only a few more days now."

Richie glanced at the clock.

"I should go soon, stitches out soon."
"Great, you can get a hard on again." Jon teased him.
"Damn straight." Richie chuckled.
"You're not gonna wait for me?"
"I'll try."
"Take some more anti-hard on pills." Jon told him.
"If I must." Richie sighed, really not wanting to keep using them.
"Just don't mixed them with the other ones."
"No worries on that, clearly labeled bottles."
"Don't think of me then, I'm viagra you know."
"I do know, I believe me, I know." Richie said.
"I guess you do, guess Dot doesn't think so anymore now." Jon said sadly.
Richie got hit with lots of guilty feelings. "I'm sorry."
"Me too."
Richie sighed, blaming himself.
"But if Dot doesn't think so, I'll have you, right?" He asked.
"You'll always have me."
"I know, but that way too then? If I make my choice and Dot won't love me anymore."
"You have me whichever way you want me. Part of her will always love you anyway Jon."
"Yeah." Jon agreed. "But not in that way anymore.
"But you'll still be loved."
"Not in that way, by her, but by your."
"I've always loved you like that." Richie reminded him.
"I know, maybe I can learn to love you like that too."
"Maybe." Richie agreed and smiled hopeful.
"We'll see."
"Guess we will." Richie looked up when his scary nurse knocked on his door. "I gotta go, scary nurse is to take me to the hospital to get the stitches out."
"How fun for you, let me know how it went?"
"Of course. See you in a few days."
Jon smiled. "Yeah, see you soon."

As he hung up, Jon was sure, he heard Richie say, "I love you."

Jon set up a text message and texted him.

1.26 pm I heard that

Richie smiled and texted back.

1.28 pm Good, cause I mean it
1.29 pm I know, I'm trying, okay?
1.30 pm I know, it counts for something.

Richie left with his scary nurse.

1.32 pm Have fun getting stitches removed, let me know how it goes. I'm gonna go get pretty for the concert.

Once in the car, Richie texted him back.

1.40 pm You're always pretty ;)

Jon rolled his eyes and went to work.

8 This is Real Life

A few days later Jon called Dorothea, as a good husband that phoned his wife every couple days when he wasn't home.

Right away he asked how everything was at home.

"Everything’s good, the kids are good, what about you? What happened with Richie? I heard he’s out for awhile?" Dorothea asked.
"Yeah its a really long story but he had to go home. He should be back when we go out in May." Jon sighed.
"Is he going to be alright? What happened?" Dorothea obviously sounded worried.
"Well..." Jon hesitated. "I can tell you anything right? You’ll love me just as much?"
"Of course." She sounded more and more confused.
"Okay... I cut his leg off with a bread knife"
"You WHAT?!" She yelled at him, completely shocked. "Jon, what do you mean you cut off his leg? What did you do? Why?"
"I didn’t do that but now the truth won’t be as bad as it seems."
"Not as bad as cutting his leg off? What the hell happened Jon?" She sounded more and more worried.
"I sliced his leg open... See? Huge difference, his leg is still attached." Jon said as if it was that much better.
"How did you slice his leg open? Jon?" Not only did she sound worried but more annoyed that he didn't tell the full story at once.
"With a knife, a bread knife but it was accident, I really didn’t mean to. I just didn’t realize what I was doing til it was done."
"Jon, what aren’t you telling me?"
He knew he couldn't hide anything from her, it had never worked. "That’s what happened."
"But why? What would make you do that?"
"Okay, remember that it was an accident, keyword, accident." Jon said.
"Accident, I hear you, now explain." She demanded
"So me and Richie were just having breakfast, just regular breakfast, nothing out of the ordinary. Was cutting up some buns with one of those big bread knives and all of a sudden he started kissing me and I panicked, pulled the knife down and cut him. I didn’t mean to." He really hadn't meant to.

Dorothea didn't answer him for a while, taking a moment to process what Jon had just said, then sighed.

"How do you feel about it?" she finally asked;
"What? I feel bad for doing that."
"Not cutting him Jon." She sighed again. "Kissing him. I know he loves you..."
"You know? Why does everyone know this except for me?!" He said just as annoyed as when Matt and David had known.
"It’s not hard to see the way he looks at you Jon."
"I must be pretty blind." He still sounded annoyed.
"No, just not looking." Dorothea's voice sounded relaxed again.
"How can I have missed this then? What am I gonna do?"
Dorothea sighed. "Stop over thinking things and just go with your gut Jon."
"I don’t know what my gut is. You’re the one I love." He insisted.
"Then you wouldn’t be having such a panic attack if that was as true as it used to be."
"What?" He asked shocked. "You think I don’t love you anymore? You don’t love me anymore?"
"Of course I love you Jon, but I’m not blind, I see how you look at him too."
"I don't look at him!" Jon said annoyed again.
Dorothea sighed again. "You do Jon, you just don't even realize you are."
"I don't. I love you." Jon kept insisting.
"You do look at him Jon, and I know you love me, but anyone can see that you love him too."
"Not in that way, as my friend, not like that. since when did he even turn gay?"
"He’s been bisexual for ages Jon, you just don’t see it." Dorothea said.
"And everyone knew this, yet nobody ever thought to maybe inform me about it." Jon still wondered about it.
"We all thought you knew, and if you didn’t, it wasn’t for the rest of us to tell, it was for Richie to tell you."
" Don’t really care who would have told me, just somebody. And since when did he decide to love me in that way? He’s always making fun of me." Jon said.
"He teases you, not much different than when I do actually. He’s always loved you I think." She said honestly.
"You were fine with getting married while someone else loved me?" Jon asked.
"I love you too, you chose me then, you didn’t know about him." Dorothea explained.
"What if I had known about it?" Jon asked, wanting to know what she thought he would have decided back then.
Dorothea sighed and hesitated. "Then I think... I think you'd have chosen him."
"Seriously?" He was taken aback.
"As much as I hate to say it, yes."
"But then we wouldn’t be married... I don’t want to get a divorce."
"And you think that I honestly do?"
"You just admitted you thought  I’d marry someone else instead of you so I’m just assuming you’d just drop me right now." Not once since the annoyance in his voice showed up, did it leave.
"That’s not true Jon, but if I knew you’d be happier somewhere else, then, well, I’d rather you were happy." She said honestly.
"But I’m not gonna be happier somewhere else, Richie might be gay but I’m not."
"Then this whole argument is for no reason." Dorothea concluded.
"That solves it then."
"Guess it does."
Jon only got more annoyed and aggravated. "Sure if that’s called solved, I’m getting a divorce and now apparently I’m gay, just fucking wonderful!"
"Things will be alright Jon." She was just as upset about the matter but had expected it to happen eventually.
"How does that even sound close to being alright?"
"I didn’t say it would be right away. It’ll take time."
"Getting divorced doesn’t sound okay in a few months either. It doesn’t sound good at all. I don’t want to get a divorce. Why are we getting divorced?" He asked confused why they were getting divorced right now.
"You’re falling for someone else, you’re just the last person to realize it." Dot reminded him.
"I’m not, I thought I was the one that’s in control of my feelings, not everyone that tells me what I feel. Me, my feelings."
"No one’s telling you how you feel, only telling you what we see, what I see." She tried to explain.
"Everyone’s telling me what I feel. Because they all think they see something so I must feel something else. I don’t feel anything." He insisted.
"Stop thinking about it. You’re thinking too much. Just sit in your room, and just feel Jon, that’s the only way you’ll know anything." She tried to encourage him to figure it out.
"I don’t need to concentrate on feeling, I know what I feel."
"Then stop panicking."
"I’m not panicking either, I'm just dandy." Jon said sarcastically.
"That’s why you’ve been yelling right?"

"Think I can talk as loud as I want 'cause that's how I feel." He said annoyed.

"I understand that Jon, I do."

"You do? Did your best friend fall in love with you 30 years ago?" Jon asked.
"Alright, I don’t understand that part of it, but I get you’re upset."
Jon sighed very deeply. "I'm fine."
"You'll figure things out Jon, you always do."
"But I love you."
"and I love you too Jon, always have, always will."
"Then what's the problem?" He asked confused about the matter again.
"You have to decide what to do about Richie."

"And then what? either ruin my friendship or my marriage." He sighed.
"Richie will love you either way, and for that matter so will I. And the kids would understand either way as well."
"But I don't understand." Jon said.
"Then think a little bit about it, but don’t think it to death." She tried to encourage again.
"I don’t know what to do. can’t I just love you?"
"I’d be happy with that, but would you?" Dorothea asked.
"Yeah." Jon said sure of himself.
"Then tell Richie that when you talk to him next."
"I guess I should."
"It would be better than stringing him along." She advised him.
"Yeah it would be." Jon decided. "I'll do that."
"Good."
"Do you hate me now?" He asked worried.
"No."
"Still love me?" He hoped.
"Always will."

"I love you too. I have to go, I'll call you in a few days or so."
"Alright, I love you." Dot said and Jon ended the call.

7 Leaving on a jet plane

Once out of the hospital, Jon called for a cab. The rest of the band would already be at the airport by now and he couldn't call their drivers now. He still wanted a few more minutes alone with Richie.

Jon got a cab in a few minutes and slowly walked up to it with Richie. Jon got out his best manners and held the door open for Richie.

"Think you can get in? Not much leg space here."
"Lets find out." Richie climbed into the car, somewhat awkwardly. "Close enough." He chuckled.
Jon watched him, Richie was almost sprawled out all over the back seat. "Sure, don't leave any space for me." Jon walked around the car and got in on the other side.
"I tried." Richie said in self defense.
"At least you tried." Jon got in and told the driver where to go.
"It's the thought that counts." Richie smiled at him.
"Yeah suuuure." Jon said overly sarcastic. "I was your evil plan to take up as much space as possible so I'd have to be close to you, wasn't it?"
"If I was going to do that, I would've let you get in first, then just climbed in and leaned against you like this." Richie took up even more space, putting his stitched leg on the seat and squished Jon against the door, he started laughing. "Ah, all this room!" He said as if he truly was comfortable.
Jon sat squished between the door and Richie. "Quit it, you idiot." He tried to push Richie away but he didn't budge.
"That's lovable idiot." Richie said, pushing back but not even enough that Jon would really be uncomfortable, keeping it at a level of teasing and joking.
"No, just idiot. Move!"
Richie sat up a little bit so Jon wasn't totally squashed anymore but was still leaning on him. "Nope, ask anyone else, lovable idiot."
"No, sorry, don't think so." Jon moved so he could sit decently. "We're almost there."
"I certainly think so." Richie leaned more on Jon so he could look out of Jon's window. They didn't have much time together anymore and he wanted to be as close to Jon as possible. "We are?"
"Did they dope you up in there?"
"Only a little bit when the stitches got redone, but not much."

The got to the airport and Jon got out first, getting Richie's crutches so he could get out of the car more easily.

"We got a few more minutes before you have to check in and stuff." Jon said, sounding a little sad because they would have to say goodbye soon.
"Yeah, it's not much though."
"It's not but if you want to get some coffee, we can do that, or if you need a bathroom, I can hold your crutches..." Jon offered, thinking it would be harder on the plane.
Richie shrugged. "I think I'm ok."
"You don't even wanna go have a drink somewhere?"
"Nah not really."  He just wanted to be with Jon.
"One of those game rooms then? We can play some games." Jon tried to offer again.
"I think I’d be good with just sitting down." Richie started leaning more on his good leg than before.
"Come on, it’ll be fun and you always beat me at those games." Jon kept on trying, there was no use in staying here and looking like two old sad men.

"I’m honestly not feeling all that fun right now." He felt sad, wanting to grab Jon and never let go.
"I should make you fun then." Jon insisted, usually Richie was the one that was into all the fun and games while Jon would rather sit quietly.
"And how do you think you can do that?"
"I don't know but I don't think we should spend the last half hour as moping sad men."
"You're probably right on that." Richie finally agreed.
"Yes, so come on and lets go play some games."
"Alright, lead the way."

Jon walked around, finding one of the waiting lounges close to where Richie's gate was. Finally he found a corner with a few arcade games, he picked out a shooting safari game.

"Wanna shoot some animals?"
"We can try to at least." Richie smiled.
"Just don't fall over while you try." Jon teased him.
"No promises." Richie arranged his crutches so he could stand and point the gun decently.
"Just don't."

Jon started the game and they started shooting imaginary bullets at video safari animals. When the game ended Jon noticed their initials were already in the high scores.

"Hey, someone has the same initials as me... and you."
"Either fans, or they really do have the same initials." Richie laughed as he put in RSS.
"If that were fans, they really don't have a life." Jon added his own JFB
"But at leat they made us look good. Did better than we really did."
"You still beat me, now wasn't that fun?" Jon asked.
"While it lasted, yeah." Richie agreed.

Jon checked for the time and decided they had to go back but he was glad it at least took Richie's mind off of leaving for a while.

"Guess you should check in and I should go find my way to Edmonton." Jon said sadly.
"Yeah." Richie went right back to his earlier subdued mood and really didn't want to go at all.
"It's two weeks, you'll be fine, go get checked in." Jon tried to order.
"I'd rather be on the road, you know that."
"I know, but nothing to do about it so no use in moping." Jon saind
"Yeah, guess you're right."

They got to the gate where they had to part ways, Richie grabbed Jon and hugged him. Jon hugged him back and the reality of Richie having to leave finally hit him and he really didn't want Richie to go. Now he hoped fervently that he wouldn't turn into a crybaby again.

Richie hoped the exact same thing but didn't really care about his image right now and held him tight, not wanting to let go at all.

Jon turned into the biggest crybaby of them both and kept holding on, til Richie very, very reluctantly let him go.

"Two weeks." Richie said.
Jon sniffed and wiped away some tears, nodding. "Yeah."
"I'll be waiting for it to be up." Richie noticed the time. "We should be going."
"I'm gonna miss you." Jon's voice cracked when he was close to cryin again.
"I'm going to miss you too." Richie said sadly. "I've got something for you before we go."
It all made Jon even closer to crying. "What?"
Richie smiled and gently put his hand on Jon's cheek. "This." He leaned in a kissed him gently.
It took Jon by surprise but he tried to relax and kiss back a little.
Richie reluctantly pulled back after a minute. "See you in a couple weeks."
"Yeah, I... I love you."
"I love you too Jon." Richie smiled.
"Phone me when you're home, just leave a voice mail if I don't answer and I'll phone you back, okay?"
"Yes dear." He smiled sadly. "See you." Richie turned to leave.
"See ya." Jon watched him go and started crying all over again when he couldn't spot Richie in the crowd anymore.

Richie managed to hold in his tears until he was situated on the plane, then let them silentely fall.

Jon got to where he needed to be to meet the rest of the band and was off to Edmonton. They did the concert as best as they could without Richie.

After the concert Jon was too depressed to do anything so he undressed and got into his bed, checking his cell phone if Richie had left a voice mail yet.

Richie had phoned him and left a message, saying he was home safe and sound and Ava had already come over to check on him. The nurse was there too and Richie found her a little scary. He told Jon he hoped he had a good, hoped the guys and the fans didn't hate him too much for being there and that he missed them and would talk later. He yawned and wished Jon a good night.

Jon phoned him anyway, hoping he wasn't asleep yet.

"'Ello?" Richie answered.
"Hey, did I wake you?"
"No, just resting." Richie assured him.
"Does is hurt? Be careful. Why's your nurse scary?" Jon wanted to know.
"Only when I lay wrong or something. She's scary because I'm pretty sure she could kick my ass if I didn't listen."

"That was the point," Jon chuckled, "is she at least good looking?"
"She's alright, but not what I like to look at." She isn't you, Richie thought.
"Not blond with big boobs?" Jon joked.
"Not you."
"Ah... No, I don't have big boobs."
"No, just an amazing body and a great ass."

On the other end, Jon blushed, liking and not liking the compliment, either way he didn't know what to say.

Richie chuckled. "Didn't mean to make you at a loss for words. I should mark the calendar."
"Yeah do that, without today, it's fourteen days."
"Still fourteen days too many."
"I know, but it'll be here soon and in the meantime we can talk on the phone a bit or video chat if you really want to."
"If you're not working yourself too hard." Richie answered his idea.
"Nah, I got time, like now, after the show and tomorrow is a day off." Jon explained.

"Until the adrenaline wears off after shows and after the flight." Richie teased him.
"I'm still awake, but you're on painkillers, shouldn't you go sleep?"
"I'll fall asleep eventually." Richie said.
"Wanna keep talking then? I can tell you how the show was." Jon offered.
"How pissed were the fans that I still wasn't there?"
"No idea, they're not allowed signs anyway, was the same as any other night to be honest." Jon said.
"Didn't miss me too much then." Richie decided without really knowing.
"I did."
Richie smiled a little at that. "I missed you too."

"Phil's not bad, but he's not you."
"He's good though."
"But not you."
"There is only one of me after all." Richie smiled.
"That's true, unique and all." Jon agreed.
"Like you." Richie smiled, starting to fall asleep.
"Like everyone dude, doesn’t solve you not being here, everyone knows what happened and they all hope you’re fine, don’t be surprised to find balloons and flowers at your doorstep in the morning."
Richie chuckled. "Only if you're delivering will I accept them."
"I already got you a nurse man." Jon said.
"A big scary one though." Richie stifled a yawn.
"Not my fault, asked for a nice nurse, guess all the nice ones were taken, that's how it goes huh?" Jon said.
"Guess so." He was too far almost being asleep to say more.
"Sorry, you should sleep." Jon apologized for keeping him up.
"If I fall asleep talking, I fall asleep talking."
"And you laugh at me for something like that? You sure though? I can just phone you back in the morning or something."
"My morning, you know, the crack of noon." Richie reminded him to be sure he wouldn't get a phone call at 7 am.
"That’s the one I meant yeah. Did you think I was gonna be up at the crack of dawn or something? It’s my day off. I’m gonna enjoy my day... all alone."
"Call me when you get bored then, we’ll be alone together." Richie suggested.
"The joy, I need to go to the gym though, now that you’re not here, don’t have anyone to bug me about how much I can't lift."
"Well then call me after you get all hot and sweaty then eh?" Richie asked, already imagining the sight.

"Dunno if that’s a good idea..."
"I could’ve said during." Was Richie's poor solution.
"Yeah and how would that work?"
"No idea." Richie chuckled as he yawned.
 "Thought so, why don’t you just go to sleep? or are you gonna be difficult like my kids and resist going to sleep til I sing?" Jon asked.
Richie laughed. "If I say yes, would you sing to me?"
"I guess." Jon shrugged.
Richie didn't really believe him. "Then sing me to sleep."
"Uh..." Jon didn't really think he had to.
"Please?" Richie said in his sweetest voice.
"Oh alright." Jon sighed and started to make up a song like he would have sung for his children when they were little.
On the other end, Richie smiled and started to fall asleep to it.

Jon ended his song and waited to hear a reaction for Richie. All he got was Richie snoring and listened for a while, then went to sleep too.


(Yes, Shelbey and I did play games at Calgary airport and used their initials, if you were wondering.)

6 Whooah, we're half way there

The doctor knocked before opening the door and letting himself in, then bowed, continuing their joke from earlier.

"Yes, my lord?" He asked. Then saw the blood on the gown and turned serious, shaking his head. "I thought I told you not to do anything?"
"It's not that bad, I didn't even notice until it was pointed out that I was bleeding, so help me out please?" Richie asked.
"It’s all my fault, shouldn’t have done that." Jon got up and disappeared into the bathroom.

The doctor raised a brow at Richie while he set about to see the stitches and re-do them.

"You were having that talk and he's trying to come to terms with being bisexual or not?"
Richie winced when the first stitch got replaced and sighed. "Yeah but it's not his fault and he knows it."
"It's both of your faults, but then again, we don't choose who our hearts love, now do we?" He smiled at Richie.

Jon came back from the bathroom, looking more decent and sat down in the chair. "I'm sorry, it was stupid, shouldn't be doing this."

The doctor looked at them both. "Don’t be sorry, and though it was a little stupid, more of him," he looked at Richie pointedly, " for not considering his own injury than yourself, it’s more than understandable and is something you should be doing. How else are you really going to come to terms with your sexuality if you don’t do anything to find out how far those feelings go?" He sat down on the end of the bed and looked at Jon. "It’s new for you, and you’re trying to understand it, just like the rest of us that aren’t straight heterosexuals."
"I’m perfectly fine with my sexuality thank you very much and I don’t need to understand anything. I am a straight heterosexual."
Hearing that, Richie looked away from them.
"You’re in denial of being bisexual. I know you have a wife and kids, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t be attracted to men too. If you look back at all the things you’ve done together, at least publicly, no one would actually question either of you being together as more than friends."
"I'm not attracted to men." Jon insisted.
"That's not what the bulge in your boxers was saying when I walked in here."
"Shut up."
The doctor chuckled. "You’ll come to terms with it eventually. Don’t worry, I’m not about to go tell the tabloids or anything either. This is all staying between us."
"Like the tabloids post anything that’s true even if you would, nobody would believe it cause they all know it’s not true." Was Jon's comeback.
"I wouldn’t be so sure about that. All anyone would have to do is see how the two of you interact, at the very least on stage, and they would find it very believable actually."
"No they wouldn’t, you just like to think that because you would like it if it is true but it’s not, I’m not gay." Jon continued to insist. He was not gay.
"Why would I like it? Doesn’t get me any more of a shot than before now does it? Besides, I’m happy with my husband, sorry to break your heart, but he’s a lot more handsome than you *smiles* They would believe it after maybe 5 minutes of thinking about it. If that. If you don’t believe me, just think about all the times you’ve kissed him," He indicated at Richie who was still looking away from them. "On stage before, always touching him, not to mention when you grabbed his ass."
"That’s exactly what I mean, cause I don’t mean anything with those things, nothing at all, it’s just joking and having some fun on stage, meaningless, you know, without meaning?" Jon said annoyed, why did people have to be so difficult all of a sudden, last week everything had been fine, nobody had thought anyone was gay.
"True as that may be, it’s because of all of that that people wouldn’t have a hard time believing it was all true, even if you don’t know it. People wouldn’t care because they’d think for a second then shrug it off with an “makes sense I guess.” and carry on with their day."
"No they wouldn’t, you got a very romantic mind going on, people aren’t just gonna carry on. saying things like that change people there perspectives and their opinion about a person so just shut up about it. I’m not gay!" Jon pressed on.

The doctor raised his hands in that innocent thing and calm down dude I’m just saying kind of way.

"Of course it does, but the people that matter will have seen this coming and won’t be bothered one way or another." He stood up to leave. "I know I’ve just given you even more to think about, but you can only live in denial for so long."
"No they won’t, you’re just imagining things."
"You keep telling yourself that." He looked over at Richie, "and you behave yourself or I won’t let you go home."
Richie smiled a little. "I promise I'll be good."

The doctor left and silence fell over the room. They both sat motionless, not knowing what to say anymore. Richie looked over at Jon after a while, wanting to say something but didn't know what so say.

In silence Jon got up from the chair, unnoticed that Richie was watching him, Jon packed his bag that he had brought the night before. He didn't really want to leave but he didn't know how to fix it anymore and decided it was easier to just leave and give up.

"You're going then?" Richie asked.
"I don't know." Jon sighed.
"What time is it anyway?" Richie wanted to know.
Jon got his phone and checked the time. "One."
"And what time did you say my flight was?"
"At 7, check in at 5."
"Alright, if you're going, I'll get a cab or something to get me there."
"I don't know about that either, I don't know." Jon said, so confused.
Richie looked down, unsure of what to say. "I'm sorry for putting you in this mess."
Jon shrugged. "Dunno."

Richie didn't look back up as Jon sat down in the chair heavily, really not knowing what to do anymore. Richie stayed quiet, starting to wish he would've kept his hands to himself. He watched, Jon sitting there, his head down, he knew he was confused. When Jon started sniffing, Richie knew he was close to crying. Richie moved to the edge of his bed and sat up, silently offering Jon his hand.

When Jon took his hand, Richie coaxed him to sit beside him. So Jon got up and moved to sit, his head still down and sniffing, still fighting to keep the tears back. Richie didn't say anything and held Jon close, tucking Jon's head against his shoulder. Then Jon broke down and started crying all the way.

Richie didn't mind and did what any good friend would do and held him, letting Jon cry it out, getting his emotions back together. Richie gently rocked him.

"Stop that, I'm trying to have a break down here." Jon complained when Richie started rocking.
"Sorry, it's just a natural way to comfort people."
"But I'm not a baby, I don't need rocking." Jon sat up a little.
"I know, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to comfort you because I hate seeing you like this, even more when it’s my fault you’re upset."

Jon started to try wipe away his tears, Richie gently wiped them away for him, making Jon smile a little. Richie smiled back lovingly and just kept holding him.

Jon put his head back on Richie's shoulder.

"What am I gonna do?"
"You’re going to get encased in your work, do some thinking about things I guess, and figure yourself out over some time."

Jon sighed and Richie didn't say any more, just held him, knowing Jon needed the comfort right now.

"Want me to leave?" Jon asked unsure.
"I wish you never had to honestly." Richie answered.
Jon nodded. "I can still spend the next three hours with you then?"
Richie smiled. "Of course you can."
Jon nodded again. "Okay, can we get out of your room?"
"Sure where to?"
Jon sat up on the bed. "Could we go for a walk?"
"If you don't mind a slow walk."

"Thought you were gonna hit me with a crutch if I walked too slow?" Jon wondered.
"And if you go too fast I can't keep up." Richie smirked.
"I promise to not run away and abandon you after I tie you to a tree in the woods."
Richie laughed. "And what would you tie me up with? I don't see any rope around here. And even if you the call button and ask doc for some, that's my servant." He stuck his tongue out at Jon.
"Didn't say there's any rope around here, did I? So wanna get up?" Jon got up and handed Richie his crutches. "You can get up on your own? Be careful."

Richie got up with the crutches. "I am being careful."
"Of course you are." Jon watched him anyway, to make sure.
Richie got his crutches in a comfortable position. "Lead the way." He said, wanting Jon to show the way so he could watch his nice ass.
"Don't stare at my ass then." Jon went to open the door.
"Awe, why'd you have to go and put rules in?" Richie pouted and followed Jon.
"Be good or I'll make up more rules."
Richie pouted even more. "Yes, dear."
"Don't call me that." He said as he got into the elevator.
Finally Richie stopped joking. "Sorry."

They walked outside and found a nice little place to sit on a bench.

"How's your leg? Still attached?" Jon teased.
"Yup, ale my legs still attached." Richie smiled.
"Good, don't wanna have to walk back and look for legs, people would have already taken them by now." Jon referred to losing money somewhere, people would usually take it, not return it.
Richie chuckled. "Probably, other people need legs too."

"They shouldn’t just take other people their legs, they have two, it’s not fair to take someone’s leg, that’s stealing and that’s wrong ‘cause the bible says so."
"Yeah, but the bible says you can stone people to death if you don’t like them too." Richie pointed out.
"The bible also says if a man lays with another man, he should be stoned." Remembering his religion and what being gay would mean to him and everyone else.

"Well then it’s convenient they’re legalizing marijuana too then isn’t it?" Richie smartly pointed out again.
"For the ones that want to get high, I guess."
"It works for them." Richie shrugged.
"It doesn't work for, at all." Jon said, remembering the times he had tried drugs.
"The drugs don't for me either." Richie agreed.
"Not anymore you mean, you still had to be drunk the first time you went to a gay bar to experiment."
Richie shrugged, it wasn't exactly true. "I didn't have to be, but it was the only thing I could think of at the time."
"Good you're done with that now."
"The drinking anyway."
"That's what I meant, that also means I can't be drunk to experiment like you did."
"Well you could, you just couldn't experiment with me if you were, I'd feel like I was taking advantage of you." Richie explained.
"Then I can't cause I'd only trust you, cause I've known you for so long... Not saying that I want to do this.
"I hear what you’re saying. It’s nice that you trust me with this, because I know it’s not easy to come to terms with sometimes. I’ve got your back. And if you don’t want this, then I guess I’ll know then."
"We’ll just see in a few weeks alright? Got a show in LA in two weeks so I’ll have to come visit you then anyway, maybe I’ve made my mind up by then too."
"We’ll see then." Richie agreed.
"Yeah, you’ll probably be able to walk again then, we could..." Jon didn't know what they could do so left his sentence open ended.
"Experiment more?" Richie tried.
Jon just shrugged.
"Depending on what you decide."
"What if I haven't made my mind up by then?" Jon wondered.
"Then you take more time."
"But if I want to experiment more?" Jon asked.
"Then you do that." Richie said simply.
"I don't know, I'm kinda curious but I just don't think I'm gay."
"It's human to be curious and only you can answer if you are or aren't."
"But I don't know." Jon repeated once again.
"That's why you get time to think." Richie reminded him.
"Thanks for that, don't think a lot of other people would give someone that much time to make a decision on this." Jon said a little relieved.
Richie smiled. "Probably not, but no matter what you decide, we're still best friends... right?"
"We'll always be best friends." Jon confirmed. That was something that would never change, it might be a little weird after this but they'd still be best friends.
"And if you decide you don't want this, I know that."
I'm still sorry though, shouldn't have freaked out like that yesterday." Jon apologized.
"I can’t really blame you though can I? I was pushing my luck as it was just kissing you."
Jon shrugged. "It's not so bad. I should have been more careful with grabbing stuff off the table."
Richie shrugged too. "What happened, happened."

"Yeah, I did notice that, thanks." Jon remembered Richie laughing at him for almost saying the same thing last night. "Shouldn't you be starving? You haven't eaten in almost four hours."
Richie laughed. "Has it been four hours? Missed some time in my nap. We did miss lunch though."
"Of course you needed your nap." Jon teased him. "We should get some lunch."
"Nothing wrong with a nap."
"No course not, especially not if you take one before a show, on the plane to the show, usually even on the car to the show and back... Nope nothing wrong, you’re just old."
"No, I’m getting caught up on all that sleep I missed when I was younger." Richie defended himself.
"Sleep doesn't work like that."
"Shush." He playfully smacked Jon's leg with the crutch and got up. "It's my story and I'm sticking to it."
Jon turned serious immediately after Richie's tease. "That wasn't within the rules."
"You're moving too slow, that's in the rules."
"You better watch it or I take your crutches from you." Jon threatened.
"Then I'd just make you give me a piggyback ride." Richie smirked. "Now that would be hilarious."

"Oh shut up, let's go."

They walked back to the same cafeteria they had eaten earlier, Jon got two trays and started picking out food.

"That’s it? Are you okay? Maybe you need another doctor, you could be dying." Jon said with concern.
Richie laughed and picked up a few more things.

Jon went to pay everything while Richie found a table and could sit down already.

"Do you think we can talk here or should we wait to be back in your room?" Jon asked when he got situated.
"I think we're alright here."
"Sure? Don't get excited again."
"I promise to behave myself." Richie smiled.
"Okay."

Jon took a few bites of his lunch, thinking over his words, what he wanted to say.

"So... How did you figure stuff out, I know, gay bar, get drunk, then what? You just asked someone to have... have sex?" Jon finally asked.
"Pretty much, I was talking to this one guy, told him I was new to the whole gay thing, and asked him if he could give me the run through," Richie shrugged, "lucky for me he agreed."
"You just went to have sex with a stranger?" Jon asked in disbelief. "What if you changed your mind halfway or something?"
"This guy told me it would be alright if I did. He was at least a nice enough guy to give me the option to say no, kept on asking me if I was alright and all that."

"So... How was it?" Jon asked curiously.

Richie hesitated. "It’s weird at first, a little uncomfortable, but you forget about the pain when he hits your prostate."
Jon gave him a confused and disgusted look. "Too much info."
"And that's just from being prepared."
"But it's good after a while?"
"Even better." Richie grinned. "After being prepared, and any caring guy will do that for you, then you actually get to the sex, and it’s hot as hell."
"Oh..."
"If I was healed, I’d offer to give you a crash course, but, as it is..."
"No thanks." Jon said quickly.
"Not like I really could at the moment anyway." Richie shrugged. "But you’ll never know unless you try eh?"
Jon shrugged too. "I guess."

They finished lunch and went back to Richie's hospital room. Richie sat back down on his bed, letting Jon take his crutches away before joining. Hoping time would go slower, they didn't say anymore and just sat close together. Only an hour or two before they had to say goodbye. Richie would go home and Jon would go on to tour on his own, without his best friend.

"This sucks." Jon said, Richie was leaning against him and he was glad he was.
"Yeah it does." Richie agreed with him, he was glad Jon felt comfortable now and was worried he might distance himself again after they'd left.
"When do you get discharged?" Jon asked.
Richie shrugged. "I'm sure if I asked, I could go now, if we have to leave at 4."
"Would you rather leave now than to wait here? We can lay down together again..."
"I’m good with staying here for a little longer, at least it’s quiet and just us." Richie agreed.

Richie moved back on the bed and laid down, with Jon following him.

"Gonna miss your pretty hospital room?" Jon tried to joke.
"The company."
"At least you get to go home, have a break, see your kid." There was some good to this according to Jon.
Richie shrugged. "I'd like to be working on the road with you though."

"I’d like that better too but it’s only two weeks and you shouldn’t stand on stage for about three hours, wouldn’t be good for you so before you know it’ll be May and we go to Africa."
"I know, doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it." Richie complained.
"Okay, be depressed about it." Jon said annoyed
"I’m just not happy that you get to have all the fun while I’m stuck at home with stitches in my dick." Richie sighed. "It’ll be fine, I’m just going to get bored."

"I'm sorry." Jon apologized and had forgotten how many times he had actually said he was sorry. "You’ll keep busy, freak the media out and stuff, now’s the time to elope and stuff, you could do that..."

Richie chuckled. "That would only work if the one I wanted to elope with could come with me." Once again he smiled lovingly at Jon.

"But still, you could mess with the media, bring out your journalist skills and start rumors about yourself, just phone tabloids and they’ll write whatever you say." Jon started to get a little excited about the idea.
Richie laughed. "That's one way to keep the boredom at bay."
"Yeah it would be... Wonder what rumours they’re gonna spread today, told the crowd yesterday you would be out for a while because of personal reasons, hope that’s okay?"

"Well it’s the truth, no doubt they’ll all assume the worst though."

"Don’t be surprised to hear that you're dead and that I’ve killed you." Jon joked.

"Of course, or I’m back in rehab or some shit." 

"That’d be really shitty of them to think. You’re sober..." Jon said. "So you’ll keep busy at home and I’ll phone you and stuff, keep you updated about everything that’s going on."

"It’s something I guess." Richie shrugged, it was better than nothing at all.
"I’d hide you in my stage box but I don’t think that’s a good idea."
Richie laughed again. "You'd have to put holes in it so I could breathe, think that might be a give away."

For another few minutes they were silent, enjoying the embrace they were in, close together before they would be so far apart. Jon moved his head to lay it on Richie's chest, somehow he liked that closeness, he could hear Richie's heart beating and his breathing. He felt completely at ease, like everything was perfectly fine like this. How everything should be. Richie was running his hand along Jon's side, just as comfortable as Jon was.

"This sucks." Jon repeated.
"Yeah."
"I don't want to go, can't we just not go to the airport?" Jon asked and snuggled into Richie. "I want to stay here with you."
"I wish."
"I really don't want to, I don't like doing shows without you."
"I hate not being there. I feel like I'm letting everyone down, especially you." Richie said.

"But you're not."
"It's gonna be a long two weeks." Richie sighed.
"I know, it's nicer to just be here with you."
"I love it, this is really nice."

Jon stopped talking, realizing what he was doing would be considered gay. Richie didn't care and kissed the top of his head again, holding him close.

"Ready to leave?" Jon asked after a while.
"Yeah I guess so." But Richie didn't move or let go of Jon.

Jon didn't make any attempts of getting up either and snuggled a little more.

The doctor knocked on the door frame and walked in, not really wanting to interrupt their moment.

"So sorry to bother you but I’m here to let you know that you’re free to be discharged if you so." He said.

Richie still didn't let go of Jon. "I guess so."
"I brought you sweats to wear."
"Only because you don't think scrubs are good enough." Richie tried to joke a bit.
"No they're not, you'd look better in jeans thought." Jon got away from Richie's embrace and sat up.
Richie reluctantly let him go. "Yeah but jeans would rub against the stitches."
The doctor stood quietly, trying not to laugh at Jon in light of their last conversation.
"I know but you always pants like that on stage so you must think you look better in those." Jon tried to fix what he had said.

"Of course I do, but they’d rub against the stitches and that would be bad. Besides," Richie sat up next to him, "if you ask me, I make the scrubs look good too."

"Sure you do," Jon didn't agree, "sign your papers so we can go." Jon got off the bed and got Richie his crutches.
"The papers are at the front desk of the ward, there's a prescription too and I wish you both the best of luck." He said.
"Prescription?" Richie asked confused as he took the crutches and got up.
The doctor nodded. "Yes, there's these pills, anti erection pills, we usually give them to men that have had penis surgery and well since you don't want to do that to stitches again, it might be safe. So prescription at the front desk because you can't just get those."
"Oh," Richie thought it over, probably safer, just in case, "okay. Thanks."
"Yeah thanks." Jon said too but didn't really mean it.
The doctor said his goodbyes again and left.

Jon got everything together, while Richie waited, getting both their stuff together and then walked out with Richie up to the front desk to let Richie sign the papers so he could leave and go pick up his prescription.

"Ready to go?"