32 The End

Next morning neither of them wanted to get up, knowing what was coming now. Richie held Jon tightly, not ready to let him go. He wanted him to stay forever.

"I have to go." Jon said reluctantly.
"I don't want you to."
"I don't want to either but I have to, it's only a few more days and then the tour is over." Jon tried to make it sound better.
"And then what? You love me."
"Of course I love you but I love Dot too, you promised you'd let me think about it."
"I know, but I don't want this to end, I want you here, I don't want you to go back to Dot."
"I can't just leave, you know that too."
Richie sighed. "I know."


They had breakfast quietly, before they knew it, Jon's car arrived and there was no way around it anymore. Richie tried to hold it together but it was hopeless as he felt the tears slip from his eyes.

"I love you." He said again.
Jon leaned over and wiped away his tears, then hugged him. "I know, I love you too. I'll phone you tonight."
Richie softly nodded but didn't let go of the hug.
"It'll be fine."
Richie nodded again.
"I promise."
"Okay."
"I have to go." Jon tried to get out of the hug.
Richie gave him one last squeeze before letting him go and catching his lips with his own, giving him a sweet, passionate kiss goodbye.


In the car to the airport, Jon finally let his emotions out too, 5 minutes before arriving at the airport, he pulled himself together and put on his sunglasses, not to hide a rough and drunken night but to hide his puffy and red eyes.


The next few days he spend lost in thought and lost in emotions, he missed Richie but he couldn't make up his mind. Ditch Dorothea and the kids and go into a gay relationship? What would everyone else think? what would his children think? How would it affect them? All his thoughts scared him. He didn't want to lose his children or his wife. He loved them all but he loved Richie too. They spend so much together, often more in a year than he did actually at home with Dorothea. Why couldn't he just have both?

Back at home with Dorothea, he was greeted in such a loving way that it made him think of Richie again. Their few days together had been amazing but it was different than it was with Dorothea. She was still the mother of his children, the one that had been there his entire life. The One.

A week later he knew he had to phone Richie, he had to make a choice and it wasn't fair to leave him waiting either.

It was the most nerve wracking phone call he ever made.

"Hello?" Richie asked when he answered his phone.
"It's me. Did I wake you or something?" Jon asked confused.
"Was just napping. What's up?"
"I think I got an idea."
"An idea? Did you make your mind up?" Richie asked.
"Sort of."
"What do you, mean sort of? Yes or no."
"Will you just wait a second and listen to me?"
Richie sighed. "Yeah alright, tell me."
"We're on tour a lot, right?"
"Usually yeah, because someone keeps lying about taking a break."
"Oh shut up, you like being around me."
"I like time off too." Richie pointed out.
"Anyway." Jon said annoyed. "We spend a lot of time on tour, away from home, away from our kids, away from my wife..."
"What are you hinting at?" Richie asked even more confused about all of this.
"Well, I was thinking, I could stay with Dottie and be with you while we're on tour, she wouldn't have to know." Jon suggested as if he had just thought of the most genius idea.
Richie couldn't believe what he heard.
"You still there?" Jon asked confused when he didn't get an answer.
"You're serious?"
"Yeah, it would work out perfectly. Nobody would have to know what we do on tour, we just get adjoining rooms and sneak over and stuff."
"Sneak?" Richie was still confused, feeling betrayed. "You want to sneak."
"It's the only way I can stay with Dot and be with you at the same time."
Richie sighed. "No, Jon."
"What no? It works perfectly like that."
"I want all of you. Not just you when you feel like it. I want my life with you, all my life not just some random moments when, again, you feel like it. I love you. I won't be your dirty little secret."
Jon sighed. "It's the only way it'll work."
"No, I can't do that."

A long pause went over their phone call.

"We're back on the road next week."
"Don't count on me." Richie hung up.

When realization of what just happened sprang into his mind, Jon broke down.