32 The End

Next morning neither of them wanted to get up, knowing what was coming now. Richie held Jon tightly, not ready to let him go. He wanted him to stay forever.

"I have to go." Jon said reluctantly.
"I don't want you to."
"I don't want to either but I have to, it's only a few more days and then the tour is over." Jon tried to make it sound better.
"And then what? You love me."
"Of course I love you but I love Dot too, you promised you'd let me think about it."
"I know, but I don't want this to end, I want you here, I don't want you to go back to Dot."
"I can't just leave, you know that too."
Richie sighed. "I know."


They had breakfast quietly, before they knew it, Jon's car arrived and there was no way around it anymore. Richie tried to hold it together but it was hopeless as he felt the tears slip from his eyes.

"I love you." He said again.
Jon leaned over and wiped away his tears, then hugged him. "I know, I love you too. I'll phone you tonight."
Richie softly nodded but didn't let go of the hug.
"It'll be fine."
Richie nodded again.
"I promise."
"Okay."
"I have to go." Jon tried to get out of the hug.
Richie gave him one last squeeze before letting him go and catching his lips with his own, giving him a sweet, passionate kiss goodbye.


In the car to the airport, Jon finally let his emotions out too, 5 minutes before arriving at the airport, he pulled himself together and put on his sunglasses, not to hide a rough and drunken night but to hide his puffy and red eyes.


The next few days he spend lost in thought and lost in emotions, he missed Richie but he couldn't make up his mind. Ditch Dorothea and the kids and go into a gay relationship? What would everyone else think? what would his children think? How would it affect them? All his thoughts scared him. He didn't want to lose his children or his wife. He loved them all but he loved Richie too. They spend so much together, often more in a year than he did actually at home with Dorothea. Why couldn't he just have both?

Back at home with Dorothea, he was greeted in such a loving way that it made him think of Richie again. Their few days together had been amazing but it was different than it was with Dorothea. She was still the mother of his children, the one that had been there his entire life. The One.

A week later he knew he had to phone Richie, he had to make a choice and it wasn't fair to leave him waiting either.

It was the most nerve wracking phone call he ever made.

"Hello?" Richie asked when he answered his phone.
"It's me. Did I wake you or something?" Jon asked confused.
"Was just napping. What's up?"
"I think I got an idea."
"An idea? Did you make your mind up?" Richie asked.
"Sort of."
"What do you, mean sort of? Yes or no."
"Will you just wait a second and listen to me?"
Richie sighed. "Yeah alright, tell me."
"We're on tour a lot, right?"
"Usually yeah, because someone keeps lying about taking a break."
"Oh shut up, you like being around me."
"I like time off too." Richie pointed out.
"Anyway." Jon said annoyed. "We spend a lot of time on tour, away from home, away from our kids, away from my wife..."
"What are you hinting at?" Richie asked even more confused about all of this.
"Well, I was thinking, I could stay with Dottie and be with you while we're on tour, she wouldn't have to know." Jon suggested as if he had just thought of the most genius idea.
Richie couldn't believe what he heard.
"You still there?" Jon asked confused when he didn't get an answer.
"You're serious?"
"Yeah, it would work out perfectly. Nobody would have to know what we do on tour, we just get adjoining rooms and sneak over and stuff."
"Sneak?" Richie was still confused, feeling betrayed. "You want to sneak."
"It's the only way I can stay with Dot and be with you at the same time."
Richie sighed. "No, Jon."
"What no? It works perfectly like that."
"I want all of you. Not just you when you feel like it. I want my life with you, all my life not just some random moments when, again, you feel like it. I love you. I won't be your dirty little secret."
Jon sighed. "It's the only way it'll work."
"No, I can't do that."

A long pause went over their phone call.

"We're back on the road next week."
"Don't count on me." Richie hung up.

When realization of what just happened sprang into his mind, Jon broke down.

31 Confessions

Jon stayed angry in bed, regretting he didn't get to do what he wanted to do and that Richie hadn't had the patience to let him figure it out. If he had, he was sure Richie would have loved it but now he'd never know.

He pulled the sheets over himself, waiting for Richie to get out of the bathroom but after 10 minutes there still hadn't been a sound from the bathroom. With a sigh he got up again and walked to the next room.

Richie was still sitting in the shower, while the water had gone cold.

"You're gonna freeze like that." Jon pointed out.
Richie looked up at him. "Not like I don't deserve it, I keep not wanting to screw this up and it seems like that's all I can do is screw this up."
Jon sighed. "Can't say I disagree. All we do is fight." He turned off the shower and put a towel around Richie's shoulder. "Come on."
He wiped his face and looked up at Jon. "I'm trying too hard aren't I?"
"It's both of us." Jon shrugged. "Now come on, you're cold."

"I think I’m worse though. I’m the one that keeps starting all these stupid fights."
"No, we just don’t know what the other likes and expects." Jon said.
"But we do though. We’ve known each other for 30 years."
"Not sexually, unless you’ve been doing stuff while we still shared a room." Jon questioned him, but wasn't serious about it.
Richie looked away. "I might have thought about it."
"But you didn't actually do anything?"
"Once or twice."
"What?" This time Jon was surprised and his voice showed it.
"It was hard not to sometimes." Richie's look said it all. "You can’t blame me when I could hear you getting yourself off."
"How did you even know I was doing that? What did you do?"
"We shared a room and you’re not exactly quiet. What do you think I did?" Richie asked back.
"As long as you did it in your bed. I did think you were asleep, you know." Jon tried to at least clear that part up.
"Of course I did it in my own bed." Richie defended himself easily.
They finally ended up in Richie's bed, he immediately pulled Jon close against him, still being a little cold.

"I should have gotten you out earlier. You're freezing." Jon felt guilty about it, it was his fault after all.
"It's alright, I got you now."
"Yeah, I guess. I'm sorry about earlier, I was gonna do something, I guess I just wan't clear enough."
"We do that a lot."
Jon chuckled. "We do. Kinda messed up, isn't it?"
"We'll figure it out eventually." Richie assured him. "Do you still want to do what you wanted to do?"
Jon shrugged.
"You don't have to, it's fine."
"I'm sorry, can we just spend out last night together like we used to always spend our nights together?"
Richie smiled, remembering what they did. "Yeah, I think so. You get the sappy movie, I'll get the popcorn."

A couple of minutes later, they sat together, naked, in bed. Jon leaning back on Richie's shoulder, holding a bowl of popcorn in his lap as they watched a romantic movie.

"I missed this. Just us, friends." Jon said with a happy sight. "Although we wouldn't sit like this, I still love it."
"Shush and watch the movie."

"That was so beautiful." Jon said when the movie ended.
"It was. Too bad they left out the real sexual feelings."
"I can guess those." Jon grinned and moved the popcorn bowl to the side table, then pulled the sheets over his head as he moved down the bed.
"What are you doing?"
"Getting to the real sexual feelings." He said, placing kisses on Richie's hips.

Not a second later, Richie could feel Jon's mouth around himself, he groaned with the pleasure of his hot mouth. It felt exquisite, every time.

Jon finally started to find his way around gay sex, softly sucking and retreating, before swallowing him again.

Only a few minutes of this torture and he could feel Richie tense.

"Jon you gotta stop."
He pulled back a little. "Why?"
"What about you?"
"I'm fine." His head went down again and Richie was engulfed with the hot feeling once again.

Jon's sucking got harder and a few seconds later he swallowed everything Richie gave him.

Then he crawled back up the bed and laid down next to Richie.

He was still enjoying his blissful moment.

"That was so amazing." Richie finally said.
"Glad you liked it."
"I love you." Richie pulled him closer and got comfortable to sleep.
"I love you too."