2 The brain gears hurt my head

Jon finished filling in the papers and decided against going back to the hotel but staying at the hospital to wait for Richie and check up on him.

"Excuse me, Jon?"
Jon looked up, seeing a nurse in front him. "Yeah?"
"Your friend is out of surgery, he's still asleep until the anesthetic wears off, they're currently finding him a room. There are a couple of private rooms we could move him to if that would be preferred."
Jon was sure the nurse knew the answer to her question but had to stay professional. "Yeah, it would be 'specially if he'd have a room faster than."
The nurse nodded her agreement. "We will get him set up in one, if you would like to come with me you can see him if you wish?"
Jon nodded too and got up to follow the nurse to the 5th floor of the hospital, where she spoke to a doctor that must be in charge of Richie and arranged his room.

Once inside the room the doctor spoke up. "He'll be asleep for another couple of hours until the anesthetic wears off, and I'm sorry Mr. Bongiovi, but I'm afraid you're most likely going to have to find another guitarist for the time being."
Jon nodded. "Yeah I guess." He looked over at Richie who was still asleep in the bed. "But how's he doing?"
"He'll make a full recovery, but he'll have to take a fair amount of time off to recover. He'll have to remain bedridden for the most part, no exertion that could reopen the wounds and pull the stitches. But considering, he'll be fine." The doctor explained to him.
"But we're going to Edmonton tomorrow and Winnipeg after that, he'll be alone? Can't you transfer him to another hospital?" Jon asked, not wanting Richie to be alone, even if he had to go home, at least Ava could visit him then.
"We can send him home. Continuing to tour currently would be a very bad idea, and sending him all over just to keep in the same city is just as bad. The best thing would be once we've kept him overnight, we send him back home to recover."
"At least he'd be home then and we're doing a show there in a few so then I could go visit him. How long is he going to have to stay in the hospital anyway?" Jon asked.
"Well, we’ll keep him here at least until tomorrow, just to be sure that things begin healing properly, run through with him what he’ll need to do, what he can and can't do, but when we send him home, he won’t need to be in the hospital, but just need to pay a visit to one once a week unless his doctor makes house calls, which would be better for him given walking will be annoying for him."
That made an idea light up in Jon's head. "Do you need his doctor's info? I can go get his insurance papers that have everything on it, if that helps you." Jon offered.
"That would be great, if you can give it to the nurse at the front desk of the ward, that would be great." The doctor agreed.
"I can do that." Jon said. "I should get back to work and I'll have someone bring it over."
The doctor nodded in agreement again and went to check on Richie.

Jon stayed where he was, a little unsure of what he should do right now. Go? Or stay with Richie a little longer?

Then he saw Richie stir and knew, he walked over and carefully took his hand. "It's okay Richie, I'm here." He said soothingly as he would have done with anyone that he loved.
"Jo-n" Richie was still asleep but his grip tightened on Jon's hand.
With a smile the doctor spoke up again, "Looks like it's wearing off a little faster, he still most likely won't be fully awake for a while yet however."
Jon nodded. "I'll be back tomorrow morning, don't think they'd appreciate me barging in close to midnight and Richie'll probably be sleeping by then." He sat down on the edge of the bed of wiped Richie's hair out of his face again.
The doctor laughed, "No doubt, though I'm sure if you threw in an autograph or two the night staff wouldn't be to bothered." and left.
Richie unconsciously leaned into Jon's touch while Jon considers the doctor's idea, having a few more minutes with Richie before deciding he should go. "I gotta go Richie." He squeezed his hand. "I'll be back tonight or something. I love you man, things'll be okay." Surprisingly, he felt Richie squeeze back.

Jon left and took a cab back to the hotel, trying to get his mind straight about everything that had happened in the past hours on his way.

Still lost in his thoughts he went up to his hotel room.

"Where the hell have you been?! Why the hell didn't you answer your phone?" Matt yelled at him as he walked out of the elevator, Matt standing at his hotel room door.
Jon checked his pockets. "Didn't have my cell phone... Was as the hospital with Richie, we had a little accident during breakfast." He got his key card out and went into the room.
"What? What do you mean an accident?" Matt followed Jon into the room. "Is Richie going to be alright? He isn't with you, is he still at the hospital?"
"He is," Jon confirmed, "they took him to surgery, he's recovering from that right now and he should be fine after that. They're gonna either transfer him or let him go home." Jon explained, remembering what he had to do. "I need someone to bring his insurance papers to the hospital."
"Surgery? Jesus, Jon, what the hell happened?" Matt must have finally noticed the bloody towels on the floor as there was now panic in his voice. "What the fuck happened Jon?"
"It was an accident!" He didn't want to tell Matt what had happened. "We were having breakfast and I got the bread knife and accidentally cut him."
"Bad enough that he's in the hospital?" Matt said with disbelief. He calmed down and looked at Jon again. "Jon, please, what really happened?" He said calmly.
"That's what happened, I told you, it was an accident. You seriously think I'd attack him or something?" He said still aggravated with Matt, he needed to get the insurance papers to the hospital, not argue with his brother.
"I know you wouldn't attack him, but Jon, he's in the hospital. You cut your best friend and got him in the hospital. You cut your best friend and got him in the hospital. Something seriously obviously happened, what was it?" Matt started to get just as worried about Richie as about Jon.
"Nothing happened, we were just having breakfast. I fucking just told you, that's it!"
"There's obviously more than that." Matt grabbed Jon's arm and making him look at him. "Sorry if I'm worried about whatever happened between my big brother and his beast friend that got one of them in the hospital!"
"I obviously don't want to tell you! Richie's insurance papers are more important, where are they? I'll bring them myself then if it's too much work for you!"
"They're in his room with his things. I never said it was too much work for me, just calm down will you?" Matt snapped at Jon. "I'll go get a key for Richie's room."
"You calm down." Jon answered back and went to check the mini fridge for some sort of drink.
Matt was faster than Jon and shut the fridge door again, with a knowing look he looked at Jon. "He finally made a move didn't he? He made a move and you freaked."
"What are you talking about?" Jon didn't want Matt to know what had happened and tried to play confused.
"You might have missed it, but Richie loves you. Has for years. He told you this morning didn't he? Or tried to show you if you cut him."
Jon was dumbfounded and didn't know what to say, he just stared at Matt like an idiot.
"I'll take that as a yes. Well come on, we'll go get his papers and get them to the hospital then." Matt tried to coaxed him into action.
"We?" Jon asked confused.
"Yes, we, think I'm going to let you go yourself? I'm worried about Richie too you know."
"Oh okay, we should hurry, we got a bunch of other things to do too."
"A tour to run and all that, I know we do, but he's just a little more important right now."

They went down to the desk to get a key for Richie's room and got a cab to go back to the hospital. During the drive, Jon started thinking about Richie again. What should he do with this knowledge? Did he like Richie? Of course he liked Richie, he was his best friend, but in that way? He didn't think so.

"Jon?" Matt asked when they got stuck in traffic.
It took Jon a while to react, setting his thoughts aside. "What?"
"How do you feel about him." Matt asked calmly.
"He's my best friend, my brother." Jon answered.
"Is he really you brother? That's not always how you look at him." Matt suggested.
"Like what? I don't look at him."
"You do." Matt argued back. "You look at him the same way he looks at you. The way you used to look at  Dorothea. You haven't looked at her like that for a long time."
"You're implying that I'm gay?" Jon started to get worked up again. "Gay for Richie? I love Dot."
"I'm not saying you don't love Dot, but Jon, we all see how you look at Richie. It's the same way he looks at you and we all know that he does love you like that."
"I don't know if I love him like that. I'm not gay, right?"
"I didn't say you were, clearly because of Dot and the kids, but think about it. You're not afraid to kiss the man, now are you?" Matt asked him.
"Really kiss? I dunno." Jon shrugged, he hadn't kissed any man like that, how would he know.
"You've kissed him a lot of times, then you grab his ass, and you do that in front of a full crowd." Matt said as he got out of the car as they arrived at the hospital. "Look, all I'm saying is if you don't love him, then stop stringing him along. I know you don't mean to," He stopped the attempt Jon made to say something, "but the man is in love with you."
"I don't do those things to give that impression, it's just fun and joking around and stuff. I never thought he'd think of it in that way. Just jokes."
"He probably does, but at the same time, can you expect him to just ignore everything he feels for you can you?" Matt asked as they walked into the building. "Where are we supposed to go?"
Jon ignored what Matt had said first and lead Matt the way, "I'll show you where it is."
Matt didn't ask for more and just followed his oldest brother to the elevator and to Richie's room.

Jon knocked on the door and then carefully walked in to not wake Richie up in case he would still be sleeping. He felt relieved when he saw Richie had just woken up and walked over to stand next to the bed. "Hey, how are you feeling?"
Richie looked up at him. "My dick hurts, but I think that's to be expected. The doctor said I'm not supposed to come back and tour." He sighed and felt guilty about the matter, he wanted to be there.

Matt stayed back in the doorway, watching his brother and his best friend.
"I'm still sorry." Jon apologized again. "Matt brought the insurance papers to arrange everything. You should probably just go home when you feel better."
Richie looked over and smiled sadly at Matt. "Hey Matt." Then he looked back at Jon. "I don't really have a choice do I?"
Matt was faster to answer than Jon, "Sorry Richie, you don't really. Doctors orders are doctors orders. Bosses orders too." He looked at Jon as if wanted to make something clear to Jon too.
Jon looked down at Richie. "You gotta get better first, take the month off before we go to Europe."

A minute later, Matt stepped out of the room to give them privacy and arrange all the insurance matters.
"But what about tonight's show? What are you going to do? There's not enough time to get someone else." Richie asked, worried about what would happen at the concert now.
"I’ll just have to play without you, you know I hate that but we’ll have to find someone to fill in for you. You getting better is more important anyway." Jon said, he didn't like it either but it was his fault after all that Richie couldn't perform.

"If I wasn’t such an idiot you won’t have to find someone else." Richie looked away from Jon as he said it regretfully.

Jon grabbed his face and made Richie look at him. "You're not an idiot, this is all my fault. I'm sorry."

Richie tried not to lean into Jon's touch. "I'm the one that made the move, it's my fault. I should've known."

"No, it's not." Jon looked over at the door to make sure Matt had gone. "I said we could get married after all, just didn't expect you to take that serious, I was only joking around... I thought you were joking too." Jon tried to explain.

Richie looked away again, embarrassed. "I was a little, and I know we always joked about things like being together or whatever, but even back then, I wasn't joking as much as you. But after you got married, I don’t know, I just couldn't stop joking around." He didn't know what to say and kept on ranting.

"But Richie, I've been married for twenty years. You've kept this a secret for twenty years? I've been hurting you for that long?" Now Jon felt even worse than before, he didn't want to hurt his best friend.

"I kept it secret before you got married Jon. But what was I supposed to do? Just tell you to leave your wife? I couldn’t do that. You were happy. I couldn’t take that from you. I shouldn’t have kissed you at breakfast. I’m sorry Jon" He still didn't meet Jon's eyes.

Jon made Richie look at him again. "Don't be sorry but you could have said something in all those years, just something."

"Would you have believed me if I had?" Richie countered.

"I'd be shocked, surprised, a little panicked and I'd believe you when I'd gotten to my senses." Jon said honestly.

"But it doesn’t matter anyway because we can’t change the past. But what about now?" He wasn't hopeful for what would happen now.

Jon sighed, he still didn't know what to do. "I don't know yet."

Richie looked down again, regretting everything. "I shouldn't have pushed you. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I just need a bit of time to think."

"I'm still sorry, it's not fair to you or Dorothea, let alone your kids." Richie apologized.

"You don’t have to be sorry. None of them are here right now and we’ll figure something out. I just need some time." Jon answered, not really sure of what he was going to do with this situation, he needed to think.

"I still should've kept to myself. I've kept it to myself this long, I should've kept it longer." Richie said regretfully.

"No you shouldn’t have. You should have told me earlier, we could have figured things out." Jon tried to fix things.

Richie looked up at him and laughed bitterly. "Now he tells me. I wish I would have."

"You should probably rest some more and I should go do some thinking." Jon suggested.
Richie smiled sadly. "If you say so boss."
"I do say so, I'll try to sneak back in after the concert tonight okay? Maybe I can stay with you." He made another suggestion.
"If they'd let you. I'd like that though." Richie said.
"I'm Jon Bon Jovi, of course they'll let me."
Richie laughed. "Or you'll go all Jersey on their asses?"
Jon smiled. "I just might."
Richie smiled back at him. "I'll try to be awake for you."
"Don't." Jon said concerned. "I can just wake you up."
"I'll try anyway."

Jon finally agreed. "Okay, but try to rest too, just take it easy." He said.
"Not much else for me to do here. Doctor says I can’t really do much anyway. I still feel like I’m letting you down. I should be there." Richie felt bad again, he was letting down all his fans, all of them by not being there. They'd all worry about him and he couldn't do anything about it, he couldn't perform.
"You’re not letting anyone down, you can’t play right now, we’ll think of something when the doctor says you can walk again, might be a day or two, I dunno."

"You’ll be out of here long before then anyway though." Sadness rang through Richie's voice, he didn't want to go without Jon.

"I  know, I’m sorry, that’s why I want to stay with you tonight, maybe I can bring over your laptop and we can Skype." Jon tried to make up for it.
"You’re going to be busy enough, besides, who’s going to remind you, again, how to use that?" Richie laughed as he teased Jon, knowing he was terrible with technology.
"I'll bug Matt about it, I know how it works on my phone."
Richie was still laughing when he answered Jon again. "Then I can just keep my phone on me and charged."
"Yeah that would be best." Jon agreed. "I gotta go."
Richie's smile fell, he didn't want Jon to go. "Alright, tell the guys I'm sorry for not being there." Would it be too much for a kiss goodbye?
"Do you think it'll hurt if I hug you?" Jon asked carefully.
"Just don’t lean on my right leg and avoid my dick and I think it would be fine." Richie smiled again, teasing Jon a little.
"Okay, tell me if it hurts." Jon reached over and hugged Richie.

Gladly, Richie hugged him back tightly while Jon tried to not hug too tightly so he wouldn't hurt Richie.

"Guess I’ll see you later?" Richie said as he regretfully let go of Jon when Jon pulled back
His look made Jon feel bad but needed to think. "I’ll be back later. I promise."
"See you then." Richie said as he laid back on the bed.

Matt and Jon didn't exchange words on the way back to the hotel, Jon was thinking about everything he needed to do. He needed to figure out his feelings but he didn't know what he felt.

At his hotel room door, Matt got a little concerned. "Are you going to be alright Jon? I’ll tell the others not to bug you yeah?"
"Yeah, thanks." Jon said and went into the room, closing his door, not wanting to come out until sound check.

Sound check went alright for the biggest part, considering Richie wasn't there, there wasn't much more they could do.
"Hey, what’s going on with you Jon?" David asked on their way backstage.
"Nothing, leave me alone." Jon said and went into his dressing room, he didn't want to talk right now. His head was messed up enough as it was by now.

David turned around, spotting Matt and went over to him. "What’s your brother’s problem? Is it because of Richie?"
"Yeah but he doesn't know that everyone knows what Richie feels for him." Matt answered.
"So that’s really what happened then? Richie finally said or did something about it?" David was full of disbelief.
"He did, Jon was holding a knife when he did and it just went wrong but Richie’ll be okay." He honestly felt relieved things had finally gotten out.
"At least he’ll be alright, the only question is if Jon’ll admit to what everyone else already knows."
"Hope he does," Matt sighed, "it’s obvious he loves him too, he’s just suppressing his feelings and won't admit to them."
"Well he’s got until Richie gets back to decide doesn’t he?" David asked curiously, he wondered if Jon was going to admit to his feelings in the next few weeks or continue to ignore them.
Matt agreed. "Two weeks til the show in LA and hopefully Richie will be home then."
"Let’s hope Jon gets himself together by then." He really hoped so, it wasn't fair to either of them. For Richie to keep on hoping that some day it might work out and for Jon to continue to ignore his feelings.

"Maybe he just needs some encouragement." Matt shrugged as he suggest it.
"Such as? The biggest push he could get would be from Dorothea if she talked to him."
"That’ll lead to a divorce." Matt argued, he didn't know what to do but he knew that would happen.
"Yes it would, but if he listened to anyone, it would be her." David said.
Matt nodded, it was true. "Yeah maybe. Don’t think he’d listen now, maybe tomorrow."
David agreed and smiled. "Maybe, I’m not going to be the one to tell Dorothea either."
"Lucky you," Matt said sarcastically, "let’s just get through the concert first and we’ll see what happens tomorrow."
"It's a start." David agreed and headed off to his own dressing room.

Jon spent the entire time before the concert thinking even more than he had done all day. He was getting sick of thinking, it was making his head hurt and he didn't need a headache on top of how confused he was feeling right now. He loved Dorothea, damn it, he was sure of it.

Back at the hospital Richie watched the time pass by, wishing he was at the show, feeling terrible for letting everyone down, not only his fans, but his band too and most of all Jon.

Jon did the concert best as he could, apologizing to the crowd for Richie not being there and telling them he'd make it up to them by donating to a local shelter. As soon as the concert was over, he wanted to leave. On the way to the hotel he changed his mind and told the driver to go to the hospital and started to sign pictures in case he really needed them for bribing hospital staff.